Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What d'ya know Wednesday... (I cannot tell a lie)

Due to my having a really rotten day at work, balancing too much on my plate, tending to a sick husband, and the realization of a new bruise on my leg...

What d'ya know Wednesday needs to be postposed lest it otherwise become a major downer.

And we all know we could use a few less downers in life!

So, goodbye til' tomorrow--or til' I feel better again---or until I have a great day at work to remind me why I do what I do--whichever comes first.

Which will probably be tomorrow.

*Ashley Lou*

Monday, June 28, 2010

1 month...No word on Home Study Report

Father,I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures -
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

These words sum up the poignancy that is the journey of adoption. We do our best, hope for the best, pray like there is no tomorrow. But at the end of the day, we have no real control except how we will respond to the circumstances that present themselves to us.

Sometimes, we just need to remember that our timing...may not be HIS timing.... 

The Paradoxical Commandments

Whoever said Business Ethics was a worthless class? Besides my Law Professor, that is...

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help them anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the best you have anyway.

Words to live by...

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there was a young, beautiful, healthily fit girl. She never procrastinated, always had her homework done BEFORE the day of class, never hid piles of laundry from house guests, and had beautiful gardens where everything thrived and NOTHING died...She was able to sway unwilling bank representatives with her sweet-as-molasses voice, had all of her dossier paperwork done within a week of receiving the packet,  was an exceptional cook and seamstress, and was always happy, especially on Mondays.

The End.

And folks? That's why they are called fairy tales.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Making Memories...(Beware: Graphic Images)

Who said eating ice cream and playing outside all afternoon on 100 degree day was a good idea?

Mr. Clover enjoying the Blue Bell Ice Cream Festival
Not this guy....

Shadrach upset about having to be removed from "jumpy house"
Or this guy....

Abednego enjoying the sprinkers...
Or this guy....

According to The Husband, Meshack had it coming all day...
Or this guy...

No...Really, Clover Family...we should totally do this again sometime!! Maybe in the cooler months next time??

Til I regain consciousness,
*Ashley Lou*

P.S. I think it's only fair to note that The Husband wasn't really spanking Meshack...They were playing and laughing together and I got this shot that looks just like a whoopin! It wasn't!!!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Can you feel it?

The Clover Family is coming to visit this weekend, bringing along their little tribe of munchkins--Shadrach, Meschack, and Abednego.

Along with that, The Husband's mom is also bringing K-dog and Tarter Sauce to spend some time with us...

Thus, commencing the beginning of the "stay-up-too-late; eat-too-much-ice-cream; get-sun-burned; play-in-the-sprinker; grill-juicy-lucy-burgers; suffer-from-exhaustion" weekend.

I can't wait.

Can't you just feel the anticipation and excitement building?

Huh? Huh? Can you?

I can.

It was enough to cause me to pull out the carpet steamcleaner this morning!

Now, that's? Excitement!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

What d'ya know Wednesday....

What d'ya know Wednesday was a quick failure. 

Maybe today I should simply rename it "What d'ya wanna know about all my excuses Wednesday?" Because that's what I wanna give ya.

But, in the name of perseverance. 

In the name of becoming a "real" blogger with double-digit followers (erupting laughter

In the name of butter popcorn flavored Jelly Bellies...which I am certain I NEED right! at! this! moment....

I carry on.

First of all, I want to say that Monday night, the Martha Stewart in all women....yes, even me.....rose up with fury. I needed tropical cookies...

No. I mean I NEEDED tropical cookies.  I had eaten tropical cookies (from a warehouse superstore) a few weeks ago and they quickly became my favorite...second-favorite-only-to-warm-snickerdoodles-and-milk cookies. The fierce desire for these cookies arose about 2 hours into an interesting debate in ethics...In my sincere effort to pay attention, I quickly googled the cookie recipe and found one I could *adapt* to fit my desire.

Don't judge me. Looking up the cookie recipe Right. At. That. Moment. freed up my mind to concentrate on Natural Law and appropriately participate enough to get the points.

That night, very late. very, very, late. I decided that I would never again NEED to bake cookies from scratch after a class that doesn't end until 10pm.

They were delicious. 

They are gone now. 

Don't ask. 

I'll never tell you.

I now KNOW why gluttony is a sin.

In other news, Our home study report hasn't been written yet. Which is just fine since I won't be turning in my Dossier any time soon anyways. Thanks to Bank of America--- and their complete disregard for my sweet as molasses voice and small favor to ask.....Keep sending me to voice-mail Bank of America? I will come up there! And I WILL cry! In the lobby! Loudly!  Do you wanna see that? Do you? I didn't think so. Just sign the letter please.... (In blue ink, with a notary present. who's expiration doesn't expire in the next year. And put it on official bank letterhead please.'t.mind.too.much).

I now know why patience is considered a virtue...and not simply a normal freckle in life......


So, without much ado...the remainder of this week's What I Know list...sans photos. Don't judge me. You don't know me.....

1.  I know that time only goes slowly when I am unmotivated to do any work.

2.  I know that the next spider I find in my house will be executed slowly and its carcass will be left to rot in the floor as an example to the other arachnids that think this house is an easy target. Its not, my eight-legged enemies. It's not.

3.  I know that, lately, I have been filled with longing for more than what is TODAY....and was recently reminded that some people...just long for what was....and I became far more thankful than I was before

4. I know that I am super excited about this weekend. The friends. The nephews. The Juicy Lucy's. The Ice Cream. all of it. I might not even sleep. Just so I can enjoy every second. Unless Tarter Sauce wants to cuddle...Then I might sleep the whole weekend away. Forget the rest of you. I have some lovin' to give....

5.  I know that remind myself often that the people who love me? love me regardless of my failures. Regardless of my shortcomings. Regardless of my lack of cleanliness and willingness to envoke the 5 second rule at any time. And regardless of my complete disgust for feet. Their feet. Your feet. My own feet. They just LOVE me anyways.

By the way, for the sake of honesty. There is one exception to the feet "thing".  Baby feet. The only feet I don't throw up at the sight of are baby feet. They are soft and perfect and unadulterated by dirt, grime, and calluses. 

Give me baby feet any day. 

I would die happy.

The End.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

If you never send us rain....

"Some blessings come soon. Some blessings come late. And some blessings don't come until Heaven. But for those who have embraced the gospel of Jesus Christ? They come." They always come.

When you look at the world, it's difficult to ignore the injustices. It's difficult to ignore the grievance, the sufferings, and the loss. It's impossible to ignore that, very often, those who deserve no harm, receive it....that those who are innocent suffer. Still, we are called, again and again, in the word of God to rejoice always (Phil. 4:4). To give thanks in all situations (1 Thes. 5:18). To never defer our hope (Prov. 13:12).

And yet? When we look at the circumstances, the poverty and hunger, the inhumanity and can we NOT lose hope? How do we praise God and rejoice in the midst of war? of need? of loss?

The Apostle Paul said it like this...
" Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Rom. 5:1-5 (NLT)

I don't claim to know what Job felt like, watching everyone and everything he loved be taken away from him. I become angry at the imagination of children, as they go to sleep hungry in an orphanage, believing their existence is somehow a mistake. I can't imagine the pain a mother feels when she learns of the death of her child. I can hardly comprehend how some people survive when their bodies are bacterial meningitis, by a fiery plane crash, by cancer.....

But of one thing, I am certain. The longing of our hearts to be healed, to be saved, to be protected, to be loved, to be spared. Is only matched? By the resilience of our spirits to persevere, to find strength we never knew existed, to hold tight to the confidence that our hope will not lead to disappointment. That in the end, our God will not forsake us.

I don't know why some people suffer more than others. I don't know why some people pray for miracles that don't come, while others realize their miracles. But. I trust-- even if we feel like our canvas is covered in black paint---that we? Have yet to see the complete mural God is creating. And I hold tight to the truth that "for those who embrace the gospel of  Jesus Christ? Blessings. will. come"

I am constantly humbled by---and immensely grateful for--- the resilience of others. I often question whether or not I would survive with the same joy that they are able to. And I am certain that I, alone, would be too weak. 

But God.

If there was ever a testimony to the power of God, the truth of the Word, and the strength of faith? It's in the smiling faces of those who are in the midst of a storm. It's in those who are certain that the sun still shines, even when they can't see it. Who are convinced that love still exists even when they can't feel it. And believe in God, even when He seems silent. 

I don't know what you might be going through. But I urge you, to find your joy, to hold tight to the promises and truths in the Word of God, and to never lose confidence that your hope...will not end in disappointment... That God has not left you. He's not forsaken you. He's not forgotten you.

(video below lyrics)
Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


During the trek we have taken through international waters adoption, unfamiliar terrain, and all things unknown-to-us...some of the most interesting concepts have been those directed at discipline. Obviously, MOST in the social-work/psychology field are adamantly opposed to spanking. Interestingly, MOST of my Christian friends/parents wish they never had to spank. So, taking those things into account, and learning about the different issues facing disciplining a child with attachment/development issues or simply a child who was institutionalized--I have begun my list of "Things To Try". I don't claim to know it all anything at all about anything at all.....But I find that USUALLY someone has already invented the wheel, I just have to make it FIT my vehicle! 

That said, I recently read--and LOVED--The Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis. The approach is founded in the fact that isolation and physical discipline may be (not with every child) the worst things you can do to a child who was institutionalized... Because even though, you are disciplining in LOVE and even if YOU never struggled with bonding to your child? Your child might have. And these things may (not always--nothing is a perfect science) cause a child with a hard-history to digress.

Wow. Those are tough words to digest. Especially when we--The Husband and I-- had always agreed that spanking, in the right attitude and principle, was an acceptable form of discipline. And I am not even saying we disagree with that, now. But? If I can implement discipline patterns that WORK and that might minimize that form of punishment...who wouldn't? From what I one really ENJOYS spanking anyways, right?

So, my point is that, in my studies...I have made it my goal to consider all methods. I may not agree with everything. Or anything a person says for that matter. I may finish reading and decide that that method they support? Is the most bogus thing I have ever heard. But I do that? Only after FIRST considering it.

I LOVE Tonggu Momma. I think I may have mentioned that before. And I love the honesty with which she approaches the issues she has had raising a daughter from a tough-history. And I learn from her. ALOT. So, as I commonly do, I read through old posts and? Good Grief! It was like she wrote This One  JUST. FOR. ME! One of the alternative forms of discipline that I have become inceasingly intrigued with are the "Charts". Charts are commonly used to reinforce the right behaviors by implementing consequences for each wrong behavior. The charts themselves, allow the child to have constant access to the cause-and-effect of their actions by seeing what the consequence for each will be. And while I have been interested in these methods? Until today, I had yet to find an option with Biblical foundation!

So, that's why I am so excited about these charts! Tonggu Momma addresses all the issues she has with Biblical consequences that reinforce the RIGHT behaviors. And honestly, I think these MIGHT work for ALL children---Not just those from hard places! What a delight! 

So...I encourage you, today, to:
Take....Consider...& Enjoy.


What d'ya know Wednesday....

Because I love to procrastinate.

And because I have a meeting in 30 minutes.

And because I sometimes enjoy randomness.

I have decided to begin a new series, full of random nonsense that you care nothing for, but because you are already reading this, will probably stick with it til' the end (muahahahaha)

I NOW know that this drink? This dark chocolate-espresso frozen treat for 2.99 from QuikTrip? Has caused me to seriously consider my up-to-this-point air-tight loyalties to Starbucks. For real, ya'll. It's just. that. good.

I know that this is what your paper-chain (assuming we all keep paper-chains in our offices) looks like when you are more than half-way through with your Masters! Woo-hoo!

I know that sometimes, when my cat- Claire- sleeps like other cat- Oliver- begins to hunt her. And sometimes? I just watch because it's kind of funny when his attack startles her......

And finally, I know that my new Ethiopian Harrar coffee has consistently caused me to be late for work...due to the second cup I partake of each morning now.  It's really good coffee. If you want some, you can click HERE to order it for yourself. Reading THIS might also help you understand a little more why we are so passionate about this cause!

I hope you all have a What d'ya know Wednesday, just like me.


While you are waiting...

We have been furiously working to get as much as possible done with the dossier as quickly as possible so that once our 171-H comes in (after our approved home study) we will turn it all in and be ready to go! It's all very exciting and a little overwhelming!

My first task to jump head-first into was--of course---the photo books. These are books that will be sent to the orphanage where our child/children live(s). One, our child keeps, and has read to him/her daily; And the other? The orphanage keeps. This allows the caretakers to be confident that the families adopting these children are full of love and will protect and guide these children through life. 

And I think? These are great ideas!

But putting these books together has been interesting, to say the least. Mainly because there are SO! MANY! required! pages! in these pre-made! books! 20 pages (to be exact) with 3-4 pictures on each page became a little overwhelming, especially with the "only 1 page for extended family" rule. After adding Christmas, All About Mommy/All About Daddy, and baby pictures, I still lacked two pages! GOOD GRIEF! The solution? As directed by The Husband. Was to put pictures of where we live, the zoo, the river, etc...I don't even know if that's what they wanted....but they said "Be creative"...and so, creatively, I decided to take the easy route! (Mind you, I am still trying to create a scrapbook/Life book for our child to have once he/she is home. It's a standard in the adoption world..and not a place where I will cut any corners!)

So, while I was putting these photo books together. 

And while I was getting uncomfortable calling myself Mommy page after page. 

And while I was trying to fill (said) pages with the things that would most matter.

I found this poem. 

This poem that touched my heart and and calmed my spirit. A reminder that as much as I love these children. And as much as I want to protect and keep them safe, that God wants that even more. And that I should always take the time to recognize what an honor it is to pursue this child and get even a small glimpse of the way God feels as He fervently pursues our hearts. And I remembered that I am not the only one pursuing this child. That I am not the only one wanting to comfort and protect and love on him/her. 

That God is right there. Loving on His child. My Child. 

And that revelation? 

would still any heart!

May you be safe while you're waiting...
May you be safe and sleeping soundly through the night
May you be safe as you wake to the morning's light
May you feel our love from so far away
May it comfort and protect you throughout each day

We will pray for you, our little one
Until our time of waiting is done
We will pray that the Lord keep you safe from harm
Until the child in our hearts, becomes the child in our arms

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Open Up Our Eyes

Sometimes when The Husband and I are home, lazing around...We find ourselves streaming worship, awakening services at IHOP, and watching a collection of messages we have collected over the years. Last night, at dinner with a respected friend, we talked for a while about World Revival Church in Kansas City. So, of course, since we have never been there...we decided to stream some worship videos today, as we rested. 

I came across this song that? Just. Gripped. Me.  I am convinced that the reason we aren't standing in the greatest revival of all times has NOTHING. I repeat, NOTHING. to do with God. It has to do with the sins, the apathy, and the complacency of the church. God wants a people that pursue Him as fervently as he pursues us. So? Why are we checking our watches at noon? 

I have blessed you, today, with not only the lyrics (which are awfully poetic) but also the YouTube video. (Ahem, you're welcome). I encourage you to take a minute and really seek God. You may find that He's? Been trying to get you to. all. along.

We have rested in God's arms so long, I think we fell asleep
We keep on making promises we don't intend to keep
We have said that we would follow Him, no matter what the cost
But an hour into Church and we start looking at our watch.

How long will we stand still?
We keep crying for His kingdom, but we fight for our own will.

Open up our eyes
Open up our ears
Break our hearts of stone
That we might feel you once again
Forgive us of our pride
Forgive us of our sin
Let Your glory come
As we turn to You again.

We have said that He is everything that we will ever need
But we spend our lives chasing after every other thing
Wherever He may lead us, we say that we will go
But when His spirit wants to move, all we want to do is soak

We're crying out for Your church to awaken.
We're crying out for You to heal our land.
We're crying out, Oh shake this generation!
We're crying out for a touch from. Your. Hand.

Friday, June 11, 2010

In Case You Were Wondering...

We got our Dossier Packet today!! 

Now? It's time to buckle down and make up for lost time by getting this paperwork in as fast as possible!!!

P.S. We are still trying to raise the $2000 we need immediately for this portion of the process! Feel free to purchase some coffee at our personalized site to help us meet this goal! (psss....I recommend Ethiopian Harrar---so far it's my favorite!)

Working all this new paperchasing into my life won't be an easy feat...what, with Youth fundraisers and activities, a new class in Grad. School, 4th Quarter beginning at work *yuck*, and my new territory of creating a functional VBS for church this summer....Wow......Could. Definitely. Use. Prayer.

Til life slows down (bahahahahahahahaha),

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Things that make me happy...

So, because I suffer from a chronic case of the "Any-day-besides-Saturday blues".

And because I have had a lower than average mood this week.

And because I  have no adoption updates to distribute.

And because I have dinner plans tonight..

And because you are all so beautiful,

I decided to join in the FWD.: SPAM.: fun by giving you all something to smile about this glummy Thursday morn.

The husband sent me these beauts. this morning. I am a sucker for animals doing abnormally cute things...

I bet he was in her spot.......

Call me crazy- but there's just something about an annoyed cat that makes me smile.....

Sometimes we all need a little helping hand *sigh*

Seriously? Can a brother get a little peace, ya'll???

Dang party-crashers! No manners!

Anyone else read "Who Moved My Cheese"? Anyone? In the back? No? Hmm...well this is funnier if you had....

I am always curious as to WHY the cats hang on during stuff like this? Let go, kitty...just let go!!!

This makes me want to become a "dog-lady" with a houseful of puppies that adore me and do cute stuff...Instead of my pug who sleeps...though he will "lay down" on command...but that's probably because he was headed there anyways....

Another puppy pic to encourage you to run down to the pound and get one of these adorable poopy dogs...

No, seriously. I NEED a puppy-dog.

This is a reminder that we all make decisions that seem good at first but quickly digress....

"You got a little something, hang on..let me try to...okay, yah, I think I got it"

 And I will leave you with this gem..Norman the Pug. And a reminder that drugs are bad! =)

Til the sun shines again and all things make me happy--not just cute animal pictures,

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I grew up on 2% milk. Every. Day. Of. My. Life.

I loved--and still love--milk. I loved my 2% milk.

Then I met HIM.

HIM. Who only drank SKIM milk. HIM. Who couldn't satiate his thirst  with anything except SKIM milk.

And I loved him. So being the sacrificial, submissive, loving person that I am. I converted to SKIM.

Because. I. Loved. Him.

Then? This week?

He came home with THIS?

THAT? is 1% milk. 2 GALLONS of 1% milk. When 5 YEARS ago?  I converted to--and learned to love--And need even--SKIM milk.

Why? Because they were out of skim and it was too INCONVENIENT to go to the other store?

Now? I have to feel the milk phlegm (sorry) that gets stuck in your throat with any milk OTHER than skim milk....Because. of. him.

This is outrageous. 

I know you understand. 

I know you "get" me.

Til the skim is restocked,
Crazy Milk Lady

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Drive Home

On the drive home, I wrote a poem in my head. No really....I did. Right after I ate a cheeseburger. Irrelevant.

I don't know what KIND of poem it is, per-say....but one of my stalkers (ahem *Ape-face*) might begrudgingly comment as to the type of poem due to her obligation in being so well-educated on such things....I wanted to call it a haiku but I am pretty sure they don't rhyme....though, I really didn't pay attention during the poetry part of English class  I mean...It's just been a long time since I have thoroughly studied poetry.

Regardless, I am truly only posting it here because it's possible some of you out there can relate to my sentiments...and feel this way, too, sometimes, on the drive home...

*Clearing throat*

My vision is cloudy,
I can't see straight.
Can't you understand
There's too much on my plate?

You pull and you pull
So many different ways.
And nervously, I oblige.
How I long for your praise.

And in all things I do,
I really WANT to be great.
But don't you see?
There's JUST too much on my plate.


 My sister and I never really had a "secret code" or anything like that...In fact? We were pretty much polar opposites growing up. You  see, she's gotten taller than I have through the years. Her hair is thicker and fuller. and more luscious than mine. She has these emerald green eyes (as opposed to my poop brown eyes). And her skin has that really pretty dark Native American shade to it. 

All things I love. And hate. about my sister.

But for as long as I can remember, my sister has had a nickname for me. As sisters usually do. It's funny though because? She will tell you that I, too, have a nickname for her. Although I would hardly consider shortening Allison to "Al" constitutes as a nickname. But it's interesting nonetheless that neither of us--with all our differences and carrying on--ever cared about the nicknames. In fact? They were quite endearing. 

I have even heard some of the youngin's that  I hang out with call their sisters by 'nicknames of endearment'. And I find that I have a habit of GIVING nicknames to these punks as well...

maybe? that's because?  I am a sister?

Whatever the case and whatever the reason, I love that she's the only person who has ever given me a nickname that didn't cause me great angst and many tears--and trust me--there have been plenty through the years. And that the only person to give me a nickname that doesn't make me cry? 

Is my little sister?

Is pretty cool, if you ask me.

So then. For as long as I have lived and as long as I will live, my sister will be the only person who consistently calls me *Lou*--Short for my middle name Louise--

with the exception of her spawn, Lil' Tank, who now calls me "Aunt Woo"...

cut him some slack though...

"L's" are hard for three-year-olds.

So, if my sister were ever kidnapped and we needed to confirm it was really her before dropping off the ransom money?  I would ask what her nickname for me has always been. Because only she would know the answer.

Except you. But you would never kidnap Al?  Would you?  

Of course, not. That's just crazy talk.

And yes, it's possible I watch too much t.v.

'Til we all have nicknames,
Ashley   *Lou*


Apparently between Friday and today, my blog went "caput" and I failed to notice this ridiculous happenstance! I have *hopefully* corrected the problem temporarily...I know very little about html but enough to play with my fonts and stuff....New plan? to fix this template to my liking until I find the PERFECT one. Thanks for bearing with me ya'll

'Til perfection exists,

Friday, June 4, 2010

The Infamous Fever...

I'm 27 years old. I have watched many, MANY of my friends have children. And I love them. I hold them. I rock them to sleep. I stare into their little eyes and smell their soft skin (that's not weird..right?). But? I have never had "baby fever". Not Once. Not after high school. when lots of girls from STA- small town America- get it. Not after college when most of my friends were planning weddings and "settling down" from our wild college days. Not even in my mid-20's when I was the ONLY person my age not lugging around 1 or 2 spawn.

Not. Ever.

So, when we began paper-chasing for our adoption application and homestudy, I was able to say to myself "This IS NOT a baby. THIS is just? paperwork".

Then? We had to answer questions like: Do you want a boy or a girl? Would you like twins? How old/young are you looking for? etc.......

And I had to start? thinking about the baby. It was a strange sensation. What would it be like to look in the back of the car EVERY DAY and see a child? What would  it be like to drop the baby off with the sitter? How hard would it be to go back to work when I have a child who NEEDS extra time for attachment and bonding at home? Would the baby know any Amharic words and say them periodically? Would I know enough of the language to figure out what the baby wanted? What about the pets? What about summers? What about Christmas? If the baby's a girl, how soon could I rack up thousands of those beautiful bows and flowers for her hair? If the baby's a boy, where can I find newsboy hats for him to wear. always.? 

Strange. Strange. Issues. Going. Through. My. Mind.

That's when I realized. What was happening. I had come down with?

The Infamous Fever.

Now, I pride myself on being a logical realist. I recognize that this grueling process we are smack-dab in the middle of...will most likely last another year or so. I recognize that by the time there is ACTUALLY a child, I will have been sick a LONG. time. And honestly? I recognize that while I am looking at the homestudy approval process and the impending horrific "dossier paperchase" that is about to ensue? That having "the fever" (even a low grade fever) is a bad. bad. deal.

I just don't know what to do about it.

I need help.

'Til I am well again,