For the Love

If you've guys been around here very long, you've heard me talk about how Hard the adoption journey is.

There are so many tools we have to carry around with us -all the time- as adoptive parents...ready to whip them out at a moment's notice.

Tools for healing and helping our kiddos navigate feelings.

Tools for diffusing situations.

Tools for building attachment.

Tools for food issues, sleep issues, ownership issues...

The list goes on and on and on....

My friends in the adoption-world often joke about kidnapping taking Dr. Purvis home with us from one of her conferences so she can just do it for us... She's really good, ya'll. {and it's exhausting.}

But while all of those tools are needed and incredibly useful in helping bring our children healing.

They are no substitute for Love.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" 1 John 4:18(a)

Now, I don't claim to have perfect love. I get annoyed and frustrated  and angry. And I yell more than I mean to and apologize more than I wish I had to.

But...there are times when I can see how my love for Marvel is the vessel God is using to blanket him in perfect Perfect Love.

We took a lot of pictures of Marvel sleeping when he got home. Partly because we were doting first-time parents who took pictures of every remotely cute thing he did (in-turn, we created a monster, ha!)

But partly? because sleep did not come easy for our sweet Marvel. It was a time of vulnerabilty and an opportunity for fear to come roaring out. Awake and asleep.  It was here when fear was its strongest that I saw the power of Love.

Many nights, in the early season of Marvel sleeping in our room, he would wake up overwhelmed with fear and I would reach down and rub his back or hold his hand. As he gripped my hand in his and slowly drifted back into desperately-needed rest, I saw that Love. Perfect Love that only our Heavenly Father can pour out. Was more powerful than even the deepest, most rooted fears.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

You see...Love doesn't erase the sins. It doesn't get rid of the hard stuff or make any of those things disappear, the way we might want it to.

But. It does release us from the power those things have over us. Deep Love, Perfect Love. brings us the strength we need to walk through the hard things without being overtaken by them.

It covers us. It empowers us. It heals us.

Today I am linking up over at:

Wordless Wednesday {Two Week Edition}

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Silly Hat Day at school. Nailed it.

New shoes. Best reaction ever.  Just, stop it already! :-)



Finally got our certificate of foreign birth!!



On my way to C4C (more on that soon!)

View from the Legacy Lodge at Created for Care! Beautiful scenery!

Check out that form! Anyone see that Volkswagon commercial?!?! ;-)

Shut the front door! We have a reader, folks!! :-)





Changing the Way I Pray

Look at that face.

It's the face of a {perfect} child.

Except for when it's not.

He's going to grow up and become a man someday.

He's going to get married and have children.

He's going to look back and think of all the things he will do different in raising his own family.

And contrary to how that might sound, I have no problem with that. In fact, it brings me much peace to believe that he will aspire to be a better parent and spouse  and person than I am or ever will be.

And as his mother, of course, I pray for him and that future all the time.

But not in the way I always imagined I would.

Example: When I was a teenager, True Love Waits was just getting some notariety. It's popularity was increased with books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".

In that season of abstenance-education, when I would pray for my future husband, I would pray the ever-noble "keep us both pure"...as if somehow, free-will wasn't an issue in the romance area.

And while my heart was in the right place, I believe that prayers like that (in my own case) were somewhat misdirected.

I mean, even then? I struggled with questions like What if my future-husband-to-be didn't know about True Love Waits. What if he'd never read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, What if he wasn't even a believer at that time? What if he Was and yet still made bad choices.

What if I did?

Did that mean God wasn't answering my prayers? Did that mean I would walk the rest of my life full of shame and guilt? Did it mean I was no longer worthy? Of course not. 

My sins were on that cross. I wasn't redeemed because I had never sinned..but rather because I had. And would again at some point.

Redemption wasn't offered because I was good enough, Grace was given because I wasn't.

But because I had focused on the sin and not the grace, my view of the value each held was distorted...

And just for the record, I completely support the True Love Waits initiative and it's counterparts. It isn't that I don't believe in abstenance and monogamy and the beauty of marriage as it was intended, unaffected by shame.

I do. (and will preach the same to my children)

It's just that..that is just one example of the way we often pray about the future....maybe instead of praying that my children or even my children's future-spouses behave a certain way or enjoy certain things or even avoid certain mistakes...

Maybe instead of all that?

I focus my prayer on the foundation of all it all.

Grace.

"For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God" (AMP) Eph. 2:8

I will devote my life to raising children who desire Jesus. Who long to be with Him and fulfil their part in advancing the Kingdom of God. I will pray that God will shield them from hurts and rejection and mistakes that undoubtedly have consequences. I will train my child with discipline, direction, love, and The Word of God. I will ALWAYS pray that the Holy Spirit would be an ever-present voice when my children face choices and that their hearts would be soft and their ears would be open to listen to the direction of the Lord.

But they won't always.

And no matter how long I stand before the throne of God on their behalf? They will sin.

And so more than all those other things, I will contend for their quick repentence and return to their Father. I will cry out on their behalf. And most importantly, I will beseech the Almighty for a greater impartation of His Grace in my life.

I pray that my children believe wholeheartedly in their salvation through grace. That they would expect that same grace extended from us {their parents} and that they would be quick to return that grace to the people around them.

That our expectations of each other would be muted by the overwhelming faith in a God that has poured out unlimited grace on us, despite our sinful nature.

“But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound”Rom.5:20

So, no longer will I pray that my children will avoid certain mistakes and sins. No longer will I pray for a specific personality trait or desireable habit from their future spouses. No longer will I focus on the things that man cares about...

Instead? I choose to focus on the desires of their hearts.

That they would be ever-turned to the desires of God's heart and that their lives would be guided by that relationship and the daily presense of the Holy Spirit. I pray that they would be courageous and brave for justice. That when choices are presented, they seek the will of God first. And I pray that they would walk the straight and narrow path their entire lives without looking to the left or the right when the enemy is trying to pull them in.

But when all that fails and sin occurs despite my greatest efforts?  I pray that they know Grace.

That shame and guilt are suffocated under the overwhelming love that Grace gives. And that I am able to give freely the grace that has been given to me.

I pray that they feel loved and worthy even in the midst of consequences and that I am never the vessel the enemy is able to use to cloak them again in shame and guilt.

And I pray that in my own sins, my children have an understanding of grace enough to extend it back.

Because, even in my greatest moments, I am still a sinner.

Saved only by Grace.

 

Wordless Wednesday

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Grocery shopping fun!

Farm fresh eggs!!
So excited to find a nice older couple who sell fresh eggs just a few minutes down the road!

Quiet week around here. Mainly because we didn't get any snow. Maybe next year :-(

Letters to my Child: What A Difference A Year Makes

Today I am linking up with The Open Letter Campaign!

Click here to see more amazing letters or join in!

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Marvel,

It was one year ago today when we saw your face for the first time. They had obviously cleaned you up and posed you, yet you still looked cautious and sad.

Of course none of that mattered to us..You could have been covered in spaghetti sauce throwing a grade-A fit in the floor for all we cared.

We were in love.

I knew it would be true, the old adage "The days are long but the years are short".

I knew that time would seem to fly past me once you were home and I decided that I needed it to slow to a stop.

And none of that has gone unnoticed.

You've been making our lives more joyful and fun and crazy and hectic and frustrating every single day for the past 7 1/2 months.

But you've been in our hearts for so much longer than that.

And we wouldn't trade a second of the honor of being your parents-- with all its frustrations and loss of sleep and slow-eating-- for anything in the world.

Son, it is my greatest honor to be your mommy and my greatest joy to have your arms around my neck giving me the biggest "bear hug" you can muster.

I promise to love you and steward you to the very best of my ability in God.

I promise to laugh with you and be silly and make messes and not care when you do.

I promise to sing with you. Songs we know. Songs we don't. Songs we make up.

I promise to cheer you on and give you "thumbs up" from sidelines and believe in you always.

I promise to snuggle and read books together as long as you'll let me.

I promise to tell you every day how amazing you are and how much I love you (Telleck to the moon times infinity).

I promise to care enough to give you correction and discipline when it's necessary, and to offer grace and teach you about redemption so that you don't carry the weight of your mistakes with you...

I promise to pray for you daily...sometimes even hourly...

I promise to always love you more. Regardless of whether or not we've have a good day or a "hard day". In whatever circumstances we come into.

No Matter What.

Love,

Mommy.

Wordless Wedneday

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A Valentine's walk down Memory Lane

My Handsome Valentines

Excited about Silly Socks Day!

A perfect slumber party in the fort

Shopping for some Ridin' Boots for Grandma's house

Saturday fun: A bike ride followed by some kite flying!

No really Moses...by all means make yourself comfortable... :-)

Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see?
I see a little boy dressed up like me!

Wordless Wednesday (sort-of)

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My view Saturday morning. Love these moments.

The Bowtie Brigade



Trying to get a good picture of them saying goodbye
was akin to wrestling an octopus. #BFF





After such a long season eating only hard-boiled eggs and avocados...
this lunch was truly picture-worthy!

Embassa

In our household, the lion is revered.

Marvel adores the lion.

He aspires to be a lion.

Brave.

Strong.

King of the jungle.

Embassa.

When bravery is needed, we often refer to him as Embassa Marvel.

When courage is expressed, he will announce to the world, loudly..

Embassa MARVEL!

He thinks that it is in these great and daring feats that he manifests that Embassa quality..

But frankly, I see it when he walks into his own bedroom at night to go to sleep.

I see Embassa Marvel when I drop him off at school or he starts a new activity, filled with strangers.

I see my little lion in the way--despite his reservations-- he will go shake someone's hand when introduced.


He may think he becomes Embassa by climbing daringly on the playground equipment.

But I saw Embassa Marvel from the very beginning....

Embassa Marvel letting me show him pictures...What a brave boy he was that day.

Our Birthday Boy!

Don't you LOVE our family pics? If you live in NWA, please contact my friend @ Heartfelt!

Letters to my Son: You turned 5 on me.

Dearest Marvel,

You have this amazing capacity to brighten the world around you in a way few of us have.  I've had friends ask me "Is he always as happy as he looks in pictures?" and the answer is, "Yes, most of the time!"  You're a child full of happiness and joy and love and I am always in awe of how different you are today than you were in those first days we met at The Big House.  I can only imagine that somehow you were trying to protect the person you were and the walls were built to keep your joy and happiness safe for a while.

When I think of all the things you are and all the things I see you becoming, I am constantly overwhelmed with this feeling that I am so completely undeserving. You have this amazing moral compass and desire to do the right thing.  You strive to be kind and good. You hate getting in trouble (who doesn't) or hearing that you didn't do something as well as we know you can.  You rarely forget anything we say and often times you'll come up to me with your "better" try and I have to dig in my brain a little to remember what it was you didn't do as well the first time!

You have a passion for music that rivals your daddy's. We are so lucky to have met people who know where this love comes from and I am often brought to tears thinking that there are people looking down on you from Heaven enjoying every minute of your songs.  We love them here, too.  I love to hear you sing songs and the fact that you will sing anywhere (even the grocery store) and I am confident that you bring joy to every person who passes us!

I can remember being so worried that a boy of 4 1/2 would probably be out of the cuddle with Mommy phase of life but I am so blessed to have you! Because you are the kind of kid who reaches out to hold hands, jumps in for "family hugs", and wants to cuddle to fall asleep each night. One night as we were getting you ready for bed, you said you wanted to cuddle with Mommy afterwards and when I asked you "why?", you said "because....because I LOVE Mommy."   That moment will be forever engraved on my heart.

I am torn as a Mother...wanting to hold on to these first moments forever. Knowing that with each day you grow up a little more...becoming more and more independent and I know that the time will eventually come when spending time with Mommy might feel more like punishment than fun.  And yet, at the same time, I can see glimpses of the person God is creating in you. The kindness. The joy. The desire to do right.  How fully you work to be good at something (swimming and soccer come to mind). And my goodness, you are SO smart! I don't want to miss a single moment of that either...of you growing up and becoming the Man of God you were destined to become!  I am so blessed to be your Mommy and I love you so much more than I could ever put in words.

I love you Telleck to the Moon,

Mommy.

Heartfelt by Trinity Ridge

Party Planning...

Check out Heartfelt by Trinity Ridge for all your photography needs: Especially you, NWA!

The M-man turns the big 0-5 this weekend..

I have my sweet "Where has the time gone..LOL" post coming soon.

It will probably blow your mind and force you to submit me for Mom of the Year (or not)

But today? I'm making my list and checking it twice:

Cake mix

Food coloring

White Chocolate flavoring

Cupcake liners

Superhero scrapbook paper for Cupcake wrappers

Picks for cupcake toppers

Sprinkles

Mini waterbottles

Tape. Lots of tape.

Tablecloths

Streamers

Plates

Forks

Those cute little mini ice-cream thingys

My Party Pants.

That about covers it ;-)

Don't forget! Your $5 (or more) donations get you entered into our Awesome Basket of Kitchen Love Giveaway! Only 14 days left!

I couldn't fix it

I think the hardest thing for me to accept in life is that there are things I simply can't fix.

Choices that others make that --agree or not-- I just don't get a vote on.

Hurts, struggles, grief that I see people walk through--and yet, there is nothing I can do to make it better.

As a "do-er" by nature, these things have always been hard for me to accept.

But last night? As my sweet baby boy told me he was sad, but didn't have the words to explain it in any greater detail?

That was the first point in my life, in which I would have moved Heaven and Earth to "fix it".

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I think so many times we do our very best to prepare for grief.

We see it in their coping mechanisms.

We acknowledge that it's the root cause of their behavioral issues.

Their sleep issues.

Their meltdowns.

We have tools to help our children regulate their emotions.

Tips and tricks to teach them new behavior patterns.

Entire libraries full of books to remind us that connection must be the foundation of correction.

And yet, at the end of the day?

Looking into eyes filled with sadness and words trapped behind a language barrier?

I didn't have any tools in mind. No tricks up my sleeve.

I just wanted to fix it.

And I couldn't.

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I can't change the fact that he misses people he loves dearly in Africa.

I can't remove the hurts and loss he's suffered. Some he may not even recall exactly, but he know's he's sad...

I can't tell him when or if it will all go away. That the pain and grief will magically disappear and all of the sudden, he'll be completely free of those early scars.

But I would.  If there was any way in this world that I could heal him, I would do it.

I think that's at the very core of the heart of a parent. And as I sit here swallowing down the lumps in my throat even just recalling the sadness in his eyes..I'm reminded that we are not his only "parents". He has a Heavenly Father who loves him with even more fierceness than I do.

He has a Father who IS capable of bringing his heart healing and filling voids that I simply can't fill.

He is a child of the Most High and his Father will move Heaven and Earth to bring him healing.

I am confident in this.

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And while I know that Marvel struggles between the joy, love and trust he is building with us and the sadness, grief and sorrow at what he's left behind, I am made more and more aware that healing isn't an overnight process.

That joy and grief aren't mutually exclusive.

That walking this path of healing isn't going to be an easy or short journey.

But that, through it all,  we can hold fast to these truths:

That "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up all their wounds" (Psalm 147:3)

That He promised he could give rest to all those who labor and are heavy laden. That if we would take His yoke upon us and learn from him, we would see that He is gently and lowly in heart and we would find rest for our souls. For His yoke is easy and his burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)

That sorrow may last for the night...but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)


I don't know what the future will look like. I can make my sweet boy no guarantees about how he will feel in one year...Or 10...Or 20. 

But I can promise him, with every fiber of my being, that we will walk this path with him. That he is NEVER going to be alone. That it is ALWAYS okay to be sad or angry or happy. That how he feels is valid and that we are never going to leave. That we will be right there with him. In the times when he doesn't want to dig deep into the well of emotions. And in those times when he feels his loss the deepest.

And I can Guarantee to him that our God is faithful and has promised him healing and wholeness in ways we could never offer him.

I once heard it said that sorrow may last through the night, but joy WILL come in the morning. And that, if joy isn't there, then it isn't morning yet. 

Hold fast.

Because it WILL come.

Tools of Transition: The Introduction

For most families in Adoption-Land, transition is the Big Unknown after the airport.

Here you are with this child that stepped off that plane with a suitcase full of needs, desires, hurts, secrets, anger, disappointment, longing, and fears.

It's not that transitioning with ANY new child at home isn't a big unknown.

But to ignore the differences would be to disadvantage our children's healing. So this isn't the place to make those comparisons...

While at this point I am guarded about how much to share about Marvel's homecoming and transition (note: We still reside at 123 This Is Hard Lane sometimes); I did want to share some specific tools we made sure to keep in our belt at all times.

These aren't magic fix-it-all pills. But they are tools that might help back someone off the ledge and away from the downward spiral.  And believe me, there are days you need a lifeline or two...

So for my first installment, I thought I would list some of the resources that have helped me establish what I would call the Tools of Transition.  I know not all families have the freedom we had. Marvel is--for now--our only kiddo so not only can the world revolve around him sometimes? but we also had no preconceived notions about the right way to parent. 2 point advantage for being a blank slate =)

1. The Connected Child: I personally think there are practical tips and ideas in this book that are beneficial for even the most secure and attached children. But especially for those of us diving into a Great Unknown, this book is as useful as knowing how to communicate "Do you need to go potty?". In other words, it can be critical to your very survival!

2. Empowered to Connect.org: This website is a compilation of webinars, articles, clips of Dr. Purvis addressing specific needs and issues, and has by-far been my greatest Go-To resource in the transition season.

3. Empowered to Connect conferences: I had already read The Connected Child when we made the decision to go to the ETC conference so I was wary that there would be anything NEW to learn. Friends, let me tell you....there is ALWAYS something new to learn..... This conference has been my greatest "pat yourself on the back for doing something proactive while in adoption purgatory" moment. I was so proud that we made the commitment to go because the tools and information we gleaned from this have proven to be INVALUABLE. We are trying to work it out to go again sometime in the next year! If you ever get the opportunity to go, you must. I insist.

3.  Blogs: I wish I could list all the blogs that have given me ideas, hope, or even just made me feel a little understood on this journey but I know I would miss one. Regardless of what your journey in life is, I would encourage you to find a few people (or their blogs) who have climbed that mountain before you. Because if you choose to do it alone, you will miss all the stories of triumph and defeat, the tips and tricks for traversing the forests and --let's be honest--you might hit a few unnecessary bumps along the way.  Get a village, ya'll.

4.  Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care:  I didn't go the easier route when it came to boy hair-care. As soon as I laid eyes on Marvel's beautiful curls, I knew I couldn't cut them off. I wanted to see what amazingness might come from nurturing and caring for those locks and I have been blown away by the beauty of my sweet boy's curly hair.  I for real could not have done it without this one particular resource. There are many sites for AA hair care (and I will list some in a future post) but CHVH understood that I needed the very very very starting point to be spelled out.... even after 3 months home and countless hours perusing the information here, I was back on this site LAST NIGHT because I needed some additional help. I'm here often. =)

So there you have it, the beginning of our journey home. As I think back to how unprepared I felt, I realize that, while I was NEVER going to feel be prepared, we had taken enough proactive steps to have the tools we needed to not panic *as much* in the moment.

Most of all, as you read this, I hope you remember this solid truth. There is nothing we are going through now that is harder than what our child has already gone through. When I look at the resilience and bravery of my son, I think to myself  "You can be better than you are. You have to be better. Because if, after everything he's been through, he can look at you with love in his eyes, then you can read one more book or try one more new thing to help bring him his healing".  

There is nothing more important than helping our child see the redemption that God has brought our entire family and grab hold of the healing that He has promised. It's not an easy or quick road and I make no claims that we are  out of the forest yet....Heck, These tools I talk about may be completely obsolete in a month. But I am giving my whole heart and will to this amazing boy's healing and hope.

And I am confident that I will see it.

Stay Tuned...

2 Months Home

At the Lion King! Marvel LOVED it!

I can't believe we've already been home a little more than 2 months!

The time really has flown by (I knew it would) and we've been daily amazed by our little guy.

That's not to say that these first days were without a few thorns here and there. But overall, this season has confirmed to me the resilience and bravery ingrained in Marvel's very being. I know that we aren't to thank for this and always with reverence, we often think of those who are.

Here's what Marvel's up to these days:

Favorite Food(s): hard boiled eggs; avocados; strawberries; vanilla ice cream; cookie butter; marshmallow mateys ;-)
Favorite Person: Moses (our dog). They're totally BFFs
Favorite Color: Yellow
Favorite Show(s): Dinosaur Train; Dora; Diego; and Sesame Street
Favorite Phrase(s): To Moses: "Hi baby" and "Gert-outta-herr". To anyone else: "No way"; "You don't need it?" (thank his daddy for that); "Settle down"; "Mom, whats firest?"; "Be Quiet"; "More schooltime?"
Favorite Sport: Soccer
Favorite Thing(s) To Do: Ride his big-wheels; go to any store where he can ride in the cart; watch tv; color (with markers); legos; woah-hawsh (swimming); feed/water Moses (score for Mommy!)

We feel so blessed and undeserving of this little boy and are so enjoying getting to know his big personality!! Things like trying to "scare" me by throwing "spiders" or "dinosaurs" at me and jumping out from behind doors, he is definitely exploring parts of his personality that have been locked up for some time!!!

I can't wait to get to know my little guy even more in the seasons to come and I am overwhelmingly grateful to God for the opportunity to be his Mommy!

Someone Started School!

Disclaimer: School started two weeks ago. I couldn't get pictures to load and let's be honest that's what you guys really want anyways. Better late than never, eh? =)

I wanted to think it would be traumatic for him....

I mean, he'd adjusted alright to an entirely new country, filled with a new language and strange-looking, doting, white people....

But I'd just assumed that Mommy was the secret sauce there.

Turns out my Genius Child is also amazingly resilient and adaptable.

Go Figure.


We're slowing integrating school into our lives by spending a season in the "half day" program before putting him in "full day" later this fall.

Of course, he'd be totally okay with full day now.  He often points out the tall skyscrapers next to his school all the way across town and asks if he can do "more school"?

Even today as we left church (right down the street from the school) he asked if he could go to school now....

I don't know whether to be disappointed or bursting with pride. If I should be disappointed, don't tell me so...because I'm all bursting with pride for my little Genius Child.

He also knows all his shapes, colors, numbers 1-20 (okay he starts losing it at around 15), his alphabet and his whole name.....

Not that anyone's bragging. (Except that I totally am)

Here's a little glimpse into that glorious first day of school!

Giving me the "thumbs up" and wink as we headed out the door!

All smiles on our first day of school!!!

Loves his new teacher!