Saturday, July 14, 2012

Rainbows and Roses

Here's the funny thing about that saying....

We assume it means all is beautiful and lovely and wonderful.

But rainbows?   Don't exist without at least a little rain. and often times a LOT of rain.

And roses? Well the rule of thumb is that most roses have thorns. An old German Proverb says "Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thornbush has roses." 

So to say that life has been full of rainbows and roses since bringing Marvel home is probably completely accurate.....

We just also aren't lacking in rain and thorns.

Our great moments have been documented well in photos. Swimming with his old friend (they lived together in the orphanage). Baking a cake. Snow cones on a hot day.

But our rainy moments? Have mainly only been documented by a lack of sleep (please no newborn me, it's not the same as working through fear with a child from a hard place), referring often to the Adoption Bible, a plethera of hard boiled eggs, and leaving places-- that (by chance) became over-stimulators-- before a meltdown was imminent.

One thing that has become overwhelmingly evident to us. Fear is a powerful motivator. It can bully our children into poor behavior.  And it often throws our children into fight, flight, or freeze mode (most of the time our child lands in "freeze" mode")

But in the midst of the thorns are a few roses.  While it breaks my heart that fear of abandonment causes my child to panic at night, I am thankful that he feels safe with us.  While I hate "freeze mode" with an eternal passion, the rainbow is that he is getting better and better at self-regulating and getting through those moments.  He's learning to accept that small displeasures don't mean he ONLY deals with displeasure. He's learning to accept "No" better because it's surrounded by a thousand yeses. And we're learning that he's a brave, Brave boy. Making us confident that he'll be able to get through this with our help and that nighttime won't be scary and uncertain but a place of rest and peace. For everyone.

So, yes, Adoption is full of rainbows and roses...but don't let that fool you into thinking we don't deal with our share of storms and thorns.  And don't let the rain and thorns blind your eyes to beauty of redemption and love and adoption.

Because, while it's true, we grow weary of  storms and thorns?

We often also, end up thanking God that rainbows are so awe-inspiring and roses, so beautiful and fragrant.

Rest, Beloved One.


Ashley said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

The O'Neal Family said...

just reading this and I agree with you and am gald you wrote this. It is so important for people considering adopting, adopting or just friends and family to understand the ups and downs and that the downs don't mean much more than a totally normal response and in the end something that makes your closeness and bonding that much better. It is funny too because kids really are so diferent in what gets them down, scared, etc. We have learned so far really nothing overstimulates Fetinet and that his shutting down occurs when he doesn;t understand our "no" or objection to something he is doing but aftre 3 weeks home, he is starting to get it, he is here and so are we, no one goes anywhere and we still love him at the end of the day! Happy to be going through this journey together and ps: Fetinet would love to see his Melaku soon, he talks about him and Moses a lot...loves that they both have dogs that look alike :)

Cheryll said...

Such a sweet post. Love your story and love your posts so much. :)

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