I wish I could explain the ebbs and flows that have coursed through my spirit these last few days.
I miss my daughter.
But I have to release her to the love and comfort she will experience with her family.
I am grieving our loss.
But I know that she has gained so much more than we could have ever given her.
And, the facts are simple. We are called to adopt. Called to adopt a child that needs a family
This plan hasn't changed simply because of the crappy cards we got dealt in this hand.
So forward on, we will go.
Please, know this....It's not an easy decision. Knowing that there is risk of having our wounds reopened.
It's not with the joyful exuberance of This Experience that we go back on the waiting list. Backwards. Several months. Backwards.
It's not with the same naivity that we will look on towards getting another referral.
Yes. It could happen again.
Yes. We could have our hearts ripped out. Again.
But we remain confident of this. That there IS a child out there that needs a family. That, in fact, there are MILLIONS of children out there that need families.
And it's not fair to them if we allow fear and uncertainty to direct our steps.
Our lives are not worse by having loved Cupcake.
Her life isn't worse by having had us love her so much.
But if we allow this pain and loss to control us?
A child will never know that love.
A child out there will never have those prayers prayed over him/her.
A child out there will never have a family on the other side of the world gaze at their pictures in wonder, amazement, and adoration.
A child out there will never have someone pursue them desperately with the heart of a parent. Relentlessly.
A child out there will never have a mommy tuck him/her in a night. Or a daddy wrestle with them and teach them how to throw a football.
A child out there--somewhere-- will never have a family.
No, It's not an easy decision...But we refuse to hand this calling over to the enemy and walk away defeated.
Our hearts may be broken today, but I know that He will bring our healing.
We will never stop loving or praying for our Cupcake (nor should we) but we know that God brought us here and unless there are no more children who need to be set into the love and shelter of a family?
Then forward on, we will go.
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