Friday, May 14, 2010

The Most Danderous Place

Statistically speaking, the bathroom is the most dangerous place in a home. Most of  the statistics and articles show that this is especially true for the elderly. Every hour, an older person DIES because of a slip and fall in the bathroom.

You might be thinking "Why are you telling us this nonsense, Ashley?" right about now....

Here's why...
The scene of the accident.

 maybe this isn't EXACTLY "where" but I was in NO condition to get my camera and take a picture after my incident. This, however, is a close cousin to the scene of my crime.

Yes, folks...I slipped and fell this morning getting into the shower at the Holiday Inn Express. I misjudged--apparently---the slipperyness (I know folks, not a real word, but cut me some slack...I have a HEAD INJURY here!!) of the shower floor and while stepping INTO the shower, completely lost--and was UNABLE to regain--my footing.

It happened, no joke, in slow motion--folks, I could NOT make this up.

On my way down, all I could think was "I am naked. They are going to find me unconscious and NAKED" Now, mind you..I am the same person who ALWAYS matches her underwear because I have this strange fear of having to have my clothes cut off of me (I know--morbid) and having mismatched underwear. I blame that *issue* on having a paramedic as a mother growing up. 

So imagine how HORRID it would be to be found NAKED. Interestingly enough, I don't recall anything else about my 'life' flashing before my eyes...Just this one completely irrational phobia...

Anyways, back to the fall. I couldn't even so much as grab the down I went and completely WACKED my head on the side of the tub. OUCH.

In the moments following, I confirmed that all my appendages still worked. That I was able to move and see my surroundings clearly. And, finally that there was no blood.

After ensuring that I would not have to be found AWAKE, paralyzed..and did I mention..NAKED (which would be MUCH worse than being found unconscious and naked) I then began taking count of the various parts that..umm..*HURT* now

Below is my injury list:

  • Head... you know, the part that just came into very severe contact with the tub.
  • Teeth... Impact, maybe? I'm not a Dr really, so that's just an educated guess (Thank you WebMd.)
  • Neck and Shoulder-blades...Duh, you just threw your body in front of a semi-truck, Smith!
  • Left elbow... Strange since I went down on my R side, but okay?!
  • Left knee... Hmm, now that's interesting.
  • Right big toe... okay, so that might be an exaggeration but I am almost certain it ached a little....
  • Both earlobes.

 Word to the wise... Watch your step in the shower. In the Holiday Inn. When you're alone. And naked.

Goodbye Forever.


Rene' said...

LOL-you write so well, that was thoroughly capitvating until you said u hit your head on the side of the tub, then I was like "ooohhh, that must have hurt really bad! ouch! so sorry that happened, but like u said, at least u weren't found NAKED! ;)

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