Friday, January 13, 2012

"My Children Are Hungry". (My Conversation with God) Part II

Read Part 1 Here.

I'm pulled over on the side of the that the driving doesn't interfere with my arguments with God. Of course.

Me:   "God, I can't possibly drive around all day on the off-chance that I might find someone to give this food to?! Surely that's not what you intend??"

God:  "Daughter, Do you know what the future holds?"

Me:  "I don't know.  Maybe?"

God:  "You don't."

Me:   "Oh."

So I drove. First heading towards downtown and then feeling the urge to turn around and return to the area I first started.  Driving past the intersection that started this whole snowball of a morning and towards a more industrial area.  And then I saw him!!

Now, trying not to get too excited (this man might have just been walking from point A to point B and not been hungry at all) I  played it very cool...I first drove past him, felt confident he was who I was searching for,  then turned around, caught back up to him and rolled down the window.

Not only was he surprised to be handed a hot meal and hot coffee, but I didn't leave without mentioning that God loved him enough to send me searching for him....Because God knew he was hungry.

Gratitude. The air was filled with it.

Him for my obedience.

Me for God's patience.

I pulled away (back towards that infamous intersection. Again.) and lo' and behold, there was another man walking.  I was more confident this time...He wore a pack on his back (probably everything he owns) and walked with a faithful four-legged companion.

Once again I pulled up and rolled down the window.  "Sir?  It's awfully cold out, would you like a hot meal? Maybe some coffee?"  He proceeded to tell me that he shares everything with his companion and that both of them were starving today.


God knew. God looked down from Heaven and saw two of His most precious children that were hungry and sent me on a mission to meet a need. A need that no doubt would present itself again later that day, but for now, they were full. They were warming up. They were loved.

I returned to my original mission. Heading towards a supermarket to pick up supplies for an event later that day. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw another man standing with a sign "Hungry. Anything Helps".


God spoke to me again. "My children are hungry".

Without arguing. Without waiting for an official prompt. I turned around.

Back to the fast food drive-through.

Same meal. Same coffee. Same change.

And I took it to the man who was hungry. I offered him a genuine smile as I told him that God had sent me to give him something to eat. I watched as gratitude once again filled someone's eyes. At my obedience?  It didn't feel worthy.  I hadn't done much. I hadn't done enough.

I pulled into a parking spot and with tears in my eyes and my head against the steering wheel, I began pleading with God.

Me:  "God, there are too many hungry people. Everywhere I look...All I see are people that are hungry. People that are cold. People that are in need.  I can't help them all...."

God:  "You won't be able to feed all my hungry children"

Me:   (frustrated that--so far--nothing in this conversation was making me feel better) "I know, God! That's what I am trying to tell you!  Everywhere I look, I see hunger. It's too much!"

God:  "You wanted to see?"

Me:  "Well, yeah..."

God:  "You may not be able to feed every hungry person. But you can feed the ones you see"
 I had asked to see something new. I wanted something different. But in my selfish nature, I wanted something with God that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

And instead? He took my blindness and He made me see.





I didn't see men that were "taking from the system" (by the way, that has never been my belief, but it is one that people often use as a reason not to help others). I didn't see men that were choosing a life of standing in the cold. in the rain. hungry. Simply to avoid "getting a job".  I didn't see expectation in their eyes as I handed them those bags.

I saw God's favorite ones. I saw the ones that He dangled on a cross for. I saw the ones that could capture His heart with a simple glance of their eyes.  I saw the ones that He would move Heaven and Earth for to simply bring them a hot meal on a cold day.

I saw His children. The ones He loved more than life itself.


And I knew? I would never be the same. I could no longer drive by when God had given me vision to see. I could no longer ignore when God had opened my heart and broke it into a million pieces.  I could no longer make excuses for myself when the people He loves most were suffering-- barely hanging on...and I had. so. much.

I was no longer blind.

And now that I could see? I was responsible to act.

I wanted to feel good about what I did. I wanted that preverbial "pat on the back" for my generosity.  But instead I was broken. I was overwhelmed by the need.

I was changed.


Ashley said...

Ashley, reading this broke my heart. Thanks for letting God use you. I pray that we can all be broken like that so that God can use us to feed His hungry children.

Nicole said...

I just found your blog this weekend through stepping stones...I am so glad I am not the only person to have ever had this same argument with God and bought food only to have to drive around and "find" someone to give the food to. Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Unashamed, I cried as I read this. To break our hearts and use us is what we ask for and he gives it to us, maybe not the way we envision it but even greater. Thank you Ashley for listening and trusting even though you didn't know. You may not be able to feed them all but if the rest of us would will ourselves to be broken we could do some real damage to this hunger thing! (fist pump here) -Toni

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