I have a blog?

Blogging is over-rated. Don't get me wrong, it has been such a blessing to have an outlet to express my self with the written word, but it can also be bothersome....I love it. But it IS just one more thing that, when I think about it, I simply think "You are behind on that". Is that even possible?? Isn't it supposed to be an asset to your life, not a burden?? One thing I have found to be certain about myself is that, I really don't know anything less than full-force.  Oh, don't worry, it isn't an arrogance issue, in fact, I really wish I had a better understanding of this thing they call "balance". People say "You are NOTHING if not passionate" and I shudder a little and think "yah, tell me about it...."

Lately, I have been consumed by the story of Jacob. A man who had only known the God of his fathers and wrestled with God. wrestled for a blessing, for an experience...And as I think about that story and all the directions God can take it and give revelation in, I am overcome with it. I remember a piece in Tommy Tenny's book "GodChasers" where he talks about the breadcrumbs [in the church] that were remnants of the experiences of the generations before. As I get older, I realize that I would hand over every position, every ministry, every bit of respect, recognition, and stature, to ensure that my children don't speak of the revivals of their mother's time. That they don't speak of the closeness their parents had with God. I burn with desire to ensure that my ceiling becomes their floor. That the greatest experience I could even imagine with God is the "norm" and the things that excite them aren't even in my imagination. Children who heal the sick, raise the dead, commune with God. It has gripped my heart that everything we "do", everytime we go to "church", every prayer we pray be about experiencing Him in a new, real way. Because, I know for certain that...once you do, it is settled in your life.

Just one of many things consuming my mind recently (okay, so maybe this particular topic gripped my heart a decade ago...but who's really counting).  I will touch base soon with a family/EA update!! So stay tuned!!

Ashley

Guest Author: Raising Up Missionaries

Guest Author: Raising Up Missionaries

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Square pegs and round holes.....

Do you ever just feel like you don't belong? I look around me and I am constantly frustrated thinking "God, I know that there is more to your plan for my life than this". I grew up in a small youth group with a LOT of young leaders. Now, in fact because we were a small church it basically meant that all the youth were young leaders.We never took our salvation for granted. We pressed in with everything we had, forsaking all others in pursuit of the kingdom of God. Our hang-outs included "Nerts" and discussions about deliverance, the love of God, spiritual deepness, etc...None of us doubted the destiny of any of us. We were called. We were chosen. We were going to change the world. And I still believe that wholeheartedly.

Now, I look around me and there aren't any Hardkor people here. No one who I can talk about my experiences, my zeal and desires with...And all of the sudden, I realize I have been trying to cram this square peg I was created as into the round hole that is nearby, just so I can pretend to fit in somewhere...I can dig it in there pretty good but it's never going to fit perfectly. My destiny was never to be in a round hole so it's always going to feel uncomfortable and strange and it's always going to make me frustrated. So the question is, Where do I find my square hole, because I refuse to waste more time fitting into the wrong size and wasting time that is precious to my destiny. Hardkor kids would have it no other way.

^{Hebrews 12: 1-3} Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! (Message)

A great post I read recently on Creating A Family.org...

You Know You Are Ready to Start Thinking About Maybe the Possibility of Adoption When…

by Dawn

Dawn, over at Fertility Authority , asked me to write something for them on how to know when you’re ready to start exploring adoption. She didn’t want this to be, a “Here’s how you know you’re ready to adopt” article, but rather a “How you know when you’re ready to even THINK about it.”  She also asked that I keep it to 300 words—Ha, like that’s going to ever happen!?!.

It’s only fair to start by saying that lots of folks who find they are struggling with conception are open to adoption from the very beginning.  Their first choice may be to get pregnant, but they are mulling over adoption while they try.  It’s also fair to point out that others will never be ready to think about adoption.  Their Plan B if trying to conceive fails is to make peace with living child free.  But indeed, there are lots of people who fall in between, so here goes.
You Know You Are Ready to Start Thinking About Maybe the Possibility of Adoption When…

1. You find yourself noticing families that don’t obviously match and wondering if they were created by adoption.
2. You make note that these families act kind of like other families.
3. You make a second note that these families, especially the parents, look happy.
4. The thought of the next step up the infertility treatment ladder seems daunting, and fills you with weariness rather than hope.
5. When you hear of the tragedy in Haiti, rather than just thinking “How sad”, you think “Hey, there may be kids who need parents, and here we are parents-in-waiting who need kids.  Humm, I wonder???”
6. Just the tiniest little piece of you is more curious than afraid of the thought of adopting, while the rest of you is still terrified and feels like adoption would be giving up.
7. You listen to all the Creating a Family radio shows instead of skipping the adoption related shows.
8. You start to find those lists of famous adopted people fascinating. Who knew that Steve Jobs and Faith Hill were adopted?  They even seem pretty normal.
9. Your ears prick up when you hear that an infertility friend adopted. You don’t necessarily ask questions, but you don’t avoid listening to the talk.  You even find yourself reading the adoption posts on the infertility forums you frequent.
10. You start considering that there is a point where you may have to say “no” to more treatment.

Hey, the list is only 253 words! And you didn’t think I had brevity in me, did you?

Meaningless, Meaningless...Everything is meaningless....

I have so much on my mind right now, I can't even formulate the words. Sometimes life pushes you right up to the edge where you have no choice but to remember that, in the great words of Solomon, "Everything is meaningless". I wish I had chosen a life without all the things that now tie me down. that keep me from being able to re-evaluate what is really important by just picking up and  moving to a third-world country for a few months...or even just Kansas City. It seems that, in life, it takes far longer to pick up stakes than it ever took to plant them......