I wanted to take a minute and encourage each of you to read this post I got my hands on today about handling those "What If?" moments in life.
It helped put things into perspective. Because, I? am the world's worst at playing the "What If?" game. I not only play it to change things that have happened, but I eventually move towards the fears of what "might" happen.
Lately, has been worse. After Norman dying so unexpectedly, I repeatedly play through different scenarios that might have changed the outcome of that day.
"What if I hadn't gone to work, he'd have never gone outside alone that morning?"
"What if Jeremiah had bought those ribs to smoke, he might have been outside to notice something?"
And more. Many, many more. But I know in my spirit that probably nothing would have changed the outcome...
And that wondering doesn't do "healing" any good at all...
And that knowing? wouldn't bring me peace.
See? I know all that stuff.
But, for some reason, I really struggled with praying about it. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't ask for peace for days. I didn't ask God why it was so important that we learn THIS lesson at THIS time in THIS way? Not at first anyways....
At first? I let my mind wander...to places it never should have gone. Places of fear... Thinking about accidents that I have heard of happening to children...Those "unexpected" happenings...Happenings that I won't even address specifically because I refuse to breed this thing to any of ya'll
(Wouldn't the devil just LOVE that!).
But, as I think about my future as a mom...I imagine this is an area I will always need to keep close watch on. Because it's our nature (our NATURAL nature) as women to worry...to fret...to wonder...
But its MY [SUPER]natural nature to trust in God to give grace to whatever situation I come into. To walk me through the REAL moments in my life. To paint my life as a beautiful mural...even if there are some patches of black paint.
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