I'm Forgiven!

So, I used to pray something when I knew I had made a mistake, hurt someone, said something out of line, etc...I would always pray that God would take away the memories--that no longer would I even remember that I had made those mistakes...and He never did?! I thought it made perfect sense, if I am clean--if my sins have been washed away, then why not also wash away the memories?

But I still remember. I remember the smallest things, and I remember the "big ones". I never FORGOT my sins...


Over the past few mornings, I have woken up singing a line of this Sanctus Real song, "Forgiven" which basically says "I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been--Cause I'm forgiven". I kind of liked the song, I had heard it a few times on the radio, and it was catchy at least...but no massive revelations..and then for some reason, I would wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning singing that line...okay, so in the world of signs from God, I am OBVIOUSLY slow--no, I didn't pray about it right then. I thought "Wow, what a sweet thought" and I went back to sleep! (I did mention that it was before sunrise, right?????). But it happened again this morning (after sunrise) and during my prayer time, I started asking God, "What do you want me to "get" from this song?? Why am I singing it ALL the time??"


God began to show me that, in the realm of FORGIVENESS, it was never about "forgetting" your mistakes and shortcomings..but rather it was about understanding that even with those mistakes and shortcomings, that God said "I WANT her"....Sure, the devil probably countered with "Haven't you seen all her screw-ups, she's a wreck who can't watch her tongue, she'll never be perfect" and I can only imagine, with total devotion in His eyes, God saying "I don't care. I WANT her and I will do anything for her. I would even DIE for her". 


Our forgiveness isn't about us getting a "do-over" with regard to our memories and history. If we forgot all we had ever done, every mistake we had ever made, how much less would forgiveness mean? I mean, if I could look back at my life and see no mistakes...I might think I was perfect...then WHY would I need a perfect Savior? But I do. Because I know where I've been. "But here, in your arms, I know what I am--I'm forgiven!"


It's not about looking perfect. Not to the rest of the world, and not to yourself. It's about knowing that, even with those imperfections..that you don't have to carry the weight of who you've been. Cause you're FORGIVEN!


I've been listening to the song over and over this morning...soaking in this revelation. It's so clear. God may not let you forget, but Satan doesn't want you to LET GO...So, today, let go of your shortcomings and sins, and even when you are reminded of the places you have been, remind yourself of your forgiveness too...because you may NEVER forget and that's okay..If you forgot the power of your sins, you might also forget the power of His forgiveness.


I have determined that, if remembering my sins also allows me to be reminded of His forgiveness...then I will always remember them with joy! The grace, mercy, and forgiveness of God are far more powerful than the power of the enemy to hold me down with the mistakes I have made. So, next time you feel beat down by the enemy with the weight of your past, dance and shout, because the strength of God's forgiveness is bigger than satan's reminders!


Sanctus Real: Forgiven


Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

[chorus]
I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause



I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven!!



Til next time,

Ash

I wonder what that means....

I have always been fascinated with words. Meanings of words, origins of words, names. any word, really, and I find myself realizing which words are most common in my vocabulary and what message those words send to others...Do I use the words in their intended form? Do I minimize the significance?...e.g. I used to say things like "killer awesome" to describe something as especially great...until I lost a friend to a real "killer". Then the significance of the word became incredibly clear to me...and made me think...what other words have I lost significance of? 

Example: 

Adorable: (adj) \ə-ˈdȯr-ə-bəl\

1. Worthy of being  adored.

When I think of the word "adorable", God isn't the first thing that comes to my mind, although when I read the definition of the word- He is....In fact, the first TWO things that come to mind when I think of the word "adorable" are children and puppies...what a far cry from the Creator of the Universe!! Like most things, we "adapt" the meanings and significance of words to fit what we want them to be...."Love" for instance means "To hold dear or cherish; To like or desire actively : take pleasure in; To thrive in"   and yet still we LOVE pizza, we LOVE the movies, we LOVE clothing...Yes, we LOVE our families, God, and important activities (which is the intended meaning) but haven't we lost, somewhere, the significance of the word?? And there are so many more examples: Awesome, Wicked, Hate, Killer....the list goes on and on...

You may be asking here, "What is the point, Ashley?"

The point is this: God is the one who is worthy of our adoration, He is the one who's 'Adorable'...and yet, He--Creator of the universe, Alpha and Omega, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords-- adores US.

That's right. We are worthy of nothing, sinners saved by grace; messed up, failing and filthy humans who have only ever earned death, and yet He came. Gave His life. For us. Why? Because he adores us.

Adore: (transition verb)  \ə-ˈdȯr\

1. To regard with loving admiration and devotion

2. To be very fond of

 Before you ever agreed to give him your life, before you understood the cost of his gift, before you were ever EVEN born...God adored you.

Song of Solomon 4:9(b) says "You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eye"

And if that isn't adoration, I don't know what is...So when you use that word, even in its most insignificant context, remember that one One who is truly "adorable" has chosen YOU to adore. 

Next time you feel like you are walking alone on your journey, when you feel lonely, hurting, cast away and persecuted...Remember, that He adores you....  

Til' next time,
Ash 

P.S.

I am considering changing the look of my blog soon...so don't be alarmed if it appears to be "Under Construction"...I am just searching for the perfect one! =)

Why?

     














I have been asked these questions so many times: 
Why Ethiopia? 
Why NOT America? 
Why Adoption at all? 
Why Now? 

And, while I know every adoptive family gets asked these questions...and I have never been offended by such questions...for some strange reason, I felt the need to answer them (in bulk at least---I have never shied away from answering them in one-on-one conversations)....

1. Why Adoption? 

       
     Well, put simply: James 1:27.   

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." 

     
     We believe that, as Christians, we have a call to care for the orphans....and trust me, if you spent anytime at ALL learning about how many orphans there truly are,  it would break your heart.   As adopted children ourselves, we knew it was part of our personal heritage to adopt. As Christians---adopted into God's family, remember?--we are ALL called and it is part of ALL our heritages. Children don't need perfect or rich parents...they need praying, loving, protecting parents.....They need parents who will train them up in the way of the Lord, protecting their destinies and purpose until they are able to care for it themselves....Those are the ONLY qualifications---making a LOT more of us qualified than we thought! My challenge to everyone is to seek God about His plan for your family or better yet, seek Him about His plan for His children--because it's difficult to turn down the call of God when you realize there are children at stake!

2. Why Ethiopia instead of America? 

      
     There ARE many orphans in America that need families... and I pray every day that each and every orphan finds a loving, Christian household to be raised in...we simply know what we have been called to do this time. And that was Africa. We knew all along that we would adopt--though we hadn't seriously prayed about God's will or timing concerning that. Then we took a 2 week trip to Africa. That changed us. Here was this beautiful continent with such beautiful people, living in worse conditions than our farm animals in America (and we all know what kind of fuss gets made over their conditions!). So we began praying "Why God? Why do we have this pull to Africa? Why does it feel like our hearts were left there?" and we began researching ...countries...orphans...adoptions. God began to reveal His plan for our family in a real way...in a way that makes the slow, lengthy process that much more frustrating. I don't know about you, but when I get a word from God, I just want to take that document and present it as a "pass" through the bureaucracy that we crawl through in the natural to get there!!!! 

    I wanted to share with you just a glimpse of what we found...Here are some facts that touched us and began to break our hearts as we researched:

• [Cool stat.] Ethiopia  is the only African country to have never been colonized. Christianity dates back to the time of the Apostles (approx 42 A.D.), even mentioned in the Bible!
 

• ET has a lower life expectancy at birth than the average of the LEAST developed countries, with only 42.5 years.
•  
• One in ten children die before their first birthday.
•  
• Ethiopia ranked 20th in 2004 in the under-five mortality rank (which includes countries currently at war--ET btw, is not.)
•  
• Malnutrition is the leading cause of more than half of all deaths among children younger than five.
•  
• More than 80,000 children die from malaria each year (treated mosquito nets cost less than $10)
•  
• Diarrhea currently accounts for over 20% of under-five mortality rate...Only 20% of all people have access to safe drinking water.
•  
• The country is home to OVER four million orphans, or 12 percent of all children. More than half a million of these were orphaned as a result of HIV/AIDS. 
•  
• There are estimates of approximately 5 million additional    "street" children who have, either not been identified as orphans, or have left the system.
•  
• 38% of children (0-5) are underweight for their age.
•  
• 3/4 of the population live on less than $1/day

    So, while there is need in America...and someday, I may be posting about our domestic adoption....God had a plan for us, that was set in motion long before that trip to Africa..and that plan, for today at least, is international adoption. 

3. Why Now?   
     
     We never intended to embark on such a difficult and LONG path as our FIRST parenthood experience (remember this is more like being a pregnant ELEPHANT)...BUT GOD. We trust God to make a way where there seems to be no way, and we trust that this is His plan, and that the child that we are destined to protect, love, cherish, nurture, and raise up...was created to be in our family. We intend to teach all of our children about Africa, especially Ethiopia, and hope that THAT culture (or, for that matter,  the cultures of any of our children's birth countries) isn't just  part of our child who was adopted from there, but becomes part of our entire family's heritage...regardless of where they were born.

    So, I hope that answers any questions people have and, honestly, I pray it puts a burning desire inside of you to, in some way, care for the orphans...of America, of Africa, of anywhere really...They are ALL God's children. I pray that adoption becomes more of a choice than a last resort, and that families all over this very comfortable, free, nation would pursue the honor of being part of a child's life....Because in the end, parenthood--birth or adoption--isn't about us anyways...it's all about them.

~Ashley

Update!

     So, I know there are several people out there who have been waiting for an update...and honestly, I have purposely been waiting to give one. It's been such a stressful past few months  that I decided early on not to give any updates until we had everything turned in (for the adoption application) and I was finished with Corporate Finance...Well, neither of those two things are true yet---but I am SOOO close that I decided to go ahead and break my own vow. So, for those of you interested.....here is your update =)

     Adoption: I have firmly determined that if anyone wanting to procreate had to go through the application process that we have to go through to adopt...our country would NOT have a teenage pregnancy issue! Its been so stressful and the truth is---this process is NOTHING compared to the Dossier...*shudders* I don't even want to THINK about that yet! Just to turn in our second application (not even APPROVED to adopt yet) we had to locate, fill out, and turn in the following: 
.

• 4 page Adoption Application
• Special Care Checklist where we were to mark what conditions (and to what degree) we were okay with in our child...out of a list of over 100 conditions (Shout out to my mom for creating a 28 PAGE description list for some of the more confusing ones)
• Birth Certificates
• Marriage License (If anyone knows the Gutters from Galvin(?) OK--we received theirs first and had to send off again for ours...grr..State of AR Dept of Vitals!!!)
• 5 recommendation letters (thank you-you know who you are)
• Guardianship Affidavit
• Proof of health insurance that covers pre-existing conditions
• Proof of employment- notarized, signed in blue ink, etc. (almost stopped the whole process)
• Health Examination Forms-sent directly from our Dr. complete with blood work (sympathy vote here, please)
• 2 set of photos including 4 posed family photos in Sunday style clothes, pictures of each room of the house excluding bathrooms, and of course front and back of home
• Personal autobiographies (4-5 pages typed)
• Past 3 years taxes
• Past 5 years income/salary statements 
• Certificate of finances and statement of financial condition (including past three bank statements) 

and did I mention that most things had to be notarized and that two copies of everything must be turned in with the originals....


I should post a picture of all this paperwork....all I can think is "What else could they POSSIBLY need for the Dossier?" 


*shudders again*

     BUT-we are FINALLY through! Scheduled to turn everything in on Monday morning and then we wait for approval to start the Home Study process...At which point, I will begin soliciting help from some of you (ahem...you know if you are close enough....) to:

• paint our office (future guest room), 
• clean out current guest room (future Baby Smith's room) 
• paint some shelves that have been patiently waiting for me to finish them! Who's in?!?!?! =) 

Don't worry...I plan to pay a service to come deep-clean my house before the home visits, so I wont make you scrub floors and bathtubs!! 


Wow.....who would have ever thought it was this strenuous! I mean, I understand that they want to make sure we are in the right condition to bring a child into our family...but with 4.5 MILLION orphans in Ethiopia...how can making the process this difficult and long be in the best interest of the children??  I just pray that our process goes quickly and that God protects our child until we can get to him/her and bring them home......... 


In the future (okay-today), I plan to post some of the statistics about Ethiopia.....If you truly believe the Word of God and have ever read James 1:27, then I don't know how any believer could NOT prayerfully consider adoption...there are SO many children all over the world..who need parents who love them...not wealthy aristocrats, or overwhelmingly successful parents...not PERFECT parents, just loving parents...parents who care about their destiny, who will comfort and protect them, and who can show them just a glimpse of Gods love for them....that is the truth of caring for orphans......God never intended for any child to grow up alone and unloved.....

      Okay, I guess you can tell my feelings on that...so I will move on. for now. at least...

     How is school going, you ask?? Well, I haven't failed out yet, I haven't been admitted into the psych ward (although I am sure I am close) and I am JUST ABOUT halfway there....It IS possible that I have put too much on my plate this time...I do still have the normal stresses of goals at work, church, home....BUT I find that I work best under pressure (which is why I am blogging instead of writing my paper on the Return on Investment of Post-secondary Education) and I am confident that I will finish...March 2011...I will present my capstone to the board...and then sleep....unless it's time to get Baby Smith, in which case---I won't be sleeping for a while =/    

     And if all else fails...I plan to use and abuse Nana and Papa with their new grandchild to catch up on rest (and maybe a tan) 

Just kidding..........;-)

     Other than that, life is good. Busy, chaotic, and overwhelming at times...but God is always so good to his children and I have already begun seeing the blessings being poured out in areas of my life that He alone could help in! We are looking forward to the next steps and always appreciate the support and prayers of our friends and family!

Til next time,

 Ashley