Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Letters to my child: Another long day.

Dearest one,

It's been almost two months since we officially began waiting for you...Of course, we know we have been waiting for you for a lot longer than that. We've spent these months fundraising for our flights to come get you, taking parent-education classes, and trying to get everything here ready for your arrival. Sometimes when I look at all the stuff you already have, my heart aches...I don't know how long it will be before I see you. I don't know how many hours and months remain before I can bring you home, rock you to sleep, play with you in the yard.... But I know that day WILL come. I know, eventually, I will look back and there won't be that twinge of sadness or longing, because you will be right here with us, filling our lives with so much joy.

The hardest part, these days, is not knowing. Not knowing if you're a boy or a girl...what name to give you...whether you're a tiny little baby or if I am going to miss your first steps...Whether you cry for someone to comfort you...or if you're strong and confident....And with all this unknowing, all I can hold onto is my trust in God. I know He has set us on this journey and that we won't end it without reward. And you are our reward, baby. Our lives feel like they are missing a link. Our hearts, a beat. And until you are safely here, with us...those holes will always be here. But God is our strength in difficult times. God is the God of redeeming love. Our love for you and His love for each of us. And, wow, what an amazing journey to get to learn the depths of that redeeming power.

I am going to make you a Christmas stocking this year...I know you can't use it, but I trust that next year's Christmas will be one for rejoicing. One for thanking God. One with lot's of presents...so, you'll need a rather large stocking, I'm afraid! =)

We love you to the moon and back. We pray for your safety and comfort, that you never feel alone or forgotten but that God would love on you the way only He can...and that He would keep you until He places you in our arms.

Forever and ever and ever,

P.S. A nice couple is coming to meet their daughter next week..I have sent special instructions for her to love on you a LOT while she's there. I am sending all of my love with them.


Erica said...

I just love your letters. I'm writing letters to our little one too, but I haven't posted them online. My heart has been really heavy the last few days. There's nothing else I can do but to just be in a constant state of prayer. These hard days come and go. Maybe it's the holidays doing it to me? I don't know. We bought her stocking holder for the mantle already and put it up there. But there's no stocking. It keeps reminding me that there's something missing, but in a weird way, that's good. I think it's digging that hole in my heart that only she can fill and it reminds me to pray for her too. This reminded me that it's been a while since I've written her a letter. Maybe that would help me get some things off my chest and help me feel better. I plan to do it before I sleep! :) Hang in there. This wait just stinks though, right??

Ashley said...

Wow, I love your letters, too. I somewhat understand the pain of not knowing who and when. Praying that this next year holds lots of joy for all of us as we get to meet our children!

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