Wednesday, November 18, 2009

To love God is to love a child

Some of you may know that DH and I are in the beginning steps of an international adoption. There is a long story that brought us to the decision to adopt internationally and BEFORE even attempting biological children. But lately, while answering the questions in their applications I begin to have the fears that, I am sure, many adoptive parents have. I have read discussion threads by APs for over two years, even following their blogs...I have addressed all the heritage issues (actually our agency of choice has done that for me), all the cost issues, found all the necessary parenting classes (especially the transracial ones) but I still wonder... What if 15 years from now, my child wishes he/she was adopted by a brown-skinned family (In Africa, this is what they call themselves).You see, for's an issue.. in fact, I think it's naive for any prospective APs  to say it's a "non-issue"..but not in the negative way. Because we are so thankful that our family might be a glimpse of the beautiful canvas God created...We are honored to raise God's amazing creations, and we would never suggest that their beauty: black, white, or brown is something to be ignored completely...I just worry that we won't meet their needs (even as much as we are trying to) about their beautiful ethnicities, and someday have a child who wishes their life had been different. Heartbreaking.
Don't worry, no one is embracing my fears. I have an amazing friend who told me that I was pretty much crazy, that this child would know that they had been loved and that we had listened to God, that He had made him/her for our family...but the fears are still there. It's crazy. When you know you are listening to God, there is a peace...but sometime our soul (mind, will, emotions) don't line up to our spirit.

Don't worry, we aren't looking to have a baby in arm for a WHILE now. Its just a LooOOoong process.... so we have a lot of time to think. Thank you for listening to me vent. I suppose if I can't vent on my own blog, where can I? =)


Jen said...

Ash, I agree...this child is going to feel so blessed to have had such amazing, loving, Godly parents as you and Jeremiah that I don't think they could have an ounce of disappointment. I understand your concern, but I honestly think that by the way you raise the baby, it will love you so much and God so much...that that thought won't even cross his/her mind.
I admire you for doing this!

Rene' said...

I'm sure adoption has got to have many fears/thoughts,as does pregnancy. But I have no fears/concerns about it for you. I think God is in control and He knows your heart and the child God places in your hand will be meant to be there at that appointed time. Maybe I am somewhat clueless on the race issue, but love is the most important and we know he/she will have an abundance of that! :)

*Ashley Lou* said...
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