My So-Called Life...

Well I decided, after much deliberation..to update my blog. I check it about every other day and think to myself "I should really post something" then I move on to something else....But, today, my tongue is still numb and Jeremiah hasn't returned with the ink cartridges yet for me to print some research documents for my group homework assignment....not to mention the percocet. There isn't much else I can do right now, except BLOG! So here it goes.

I don't really remember where my life was during my last post and I am too lazy to read back through it to make sure I adequately update you...You will just have to trust me. I will hit on the important notes. School is kicking my butt, but not quite enough to make me quit. In fact, the further we go in this class, the better I feel about it. I am feeling better and better about our team assignment. More and more confident about my APA writing skills, and somehow (no matter how difficult it feels) I am getting most everything accomplished, with the help of my loving and supportive spouse. He Rocks!

Weight loss?? Not as successful as I wish I were being. I haven't even hit the gym in the past two weeks. I probably could list 100 excuses and all of them be truth, but the HONEST truth is that I need to be working out. I may just need to change my format (maybe morning runs and pilates-yuck) I still hope to have lost 25 lbs by the end of 2009. That was a new year's resolution I made (along with finishing my duvet cover--also not done) last year and there is nothing I hate more than NOT accomplishing goals!! I think I need more variation in my work-outs. I get bored easily and then I just stop...haha...not very effective =) Although I must say, my two day jello diet is a good jump start on my workouts-and Biggest Loser just premiered..that always motivates me!!!! Maybe I need my friends to work out in the evenings more...ahem, Rene and Jen......

So, some exciting baby news. (haha gotcha!!). We recently went to an information meeting at the agency of choice (Dillon International) to go over all the ins and outs of international adoption. It was majorly an eye opener. The timeline was longer than we anticipated so that basically means, we have to start the process earlier than we originally thought. Our Application #1 will be turned in Jan. 2010 in hopes that we will have baby in arms by late Spring 2011 (also MSM graduation time) So scary to think its closer and closer. Its so much easier to plan it when its years away..but this is like, upon us!!! Of course, after the initial excitement and shock of meeting with the agency, I have been stalking a yahoo group that focuses on Ethiopian Adoptions and its had some long discussions about the race identity issues. Everything about it, I understand. As parents of a child of a different race, we have to make sure we are concious of the fact that our child will see the world differently than we do. They will face racism that I won't understand and it's my job to make sure that my child is surrounded by people that look like him/her. They will be loved beyond measure in our family and we will always talk about the beautiful canvas God created our family to be, but the world is still not perfect. I worry that, ultimately, he or she will wish they hadn't been adopted by white parents. How do you handle that??? Before this stalking incident of the yahoo group, our philosophy was that we would integrate our child in racially diverse communities (including the AWESOME heritage camps that Dillon puts on every year) and we would never talk about "having them" differently than any other biological children, but that each child would have a unique story...and everything else, we would handle AS A FAMILY when those issues arise. I just don't want to be looking at the world through rose colored glasses. We are confident that this is God's will. It just doesn't eliminate the scary aspects..... It can be SO HARD to have no choice but to trust God...and I LOVE God!

In other news, I have a girl's weekend coming up in two weeks with one of my dearest friends Ruth. I am SO EXCITED!! We plan to make pumpkin butter, fry donuts, shop, tour Tulsa, and just spend quality time together. I can't imagine anything better!!! I love her so much and I NEED this even more!!!!! That will be the same weekend as the end of my first course in grad school.....1 down, 12 more to go!!!

I will do a better job....ON the rare occasion that I don't have homework due, I will make it a point to post...I know, you guys are always itching to hear about my super-cool life!! Love you all so much!!!

I bet you didn't think I had moves like this...

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Deals, Deals, Deals

I needed to post this, because as a decent female human being, it's essential to pass along great sales!! DejaVu is a local high end consignment store in Tulsa. They generally only carry popular styles, brands, and only lightly worn items! Twice a year, they hold a special sale, called the "Fill-a-bag" special. Everything from spring and summer is clearanced...anything you can fit in a "wal-mart sized bag"
[which they provide] is ONLY $10....You can't beat deals like that! The catch is you can't use dressing rooms, shirts and jackets can be tried on over your clothes but jeans and slacks, you just have to hope they work...of course, I just plan to get a size larger and have them tailored...because this deal can't be beat!! I am so excited. My co-worker, who is a regular at these specials, said you need to be there as soon as they open at 8am. I plan to get a nice light breakfast at Panera (next door) before heading over at 8...anyone want to join me???? If you do, either comment on this blog or on my facebook page so that I can be on the lookout for you...Sales like this make me 'giddy' happy!! :-) Hope to see you there!!

Another meaning for D-Day....

So much has been going on lately and while this "self-induced" stress is MUCH better than the stress I would have been complaining about a year ago, it's still STRESS! The girls at work have been giving me a hard time about school (I am, in fact, attending the same university that I work at, so I guess I deserve it) and about my impending "D-Day"...which is why I vote that we come up with a new meaning, because the butterflies in my stomach definitely don't need any additional work! That being said, I am nervous and excited about it all. I hope that through this whole graduate school endeavor that I also become better at time management, planning and organizing my day, and not being so..ahem..lazy when I AM at home. I know, rest is important, but sometimes I use the fact that "I need rest" as an excuse not to do the piles of laundry, dishes, and vacuuming that need to be done in my home. I believe in living by a spirit of excellence, but you might not know that if you walked into my home today. So, now that you know, don't be offended if you drop by and we sit in the front yard, HA!!!

In addition to the above mentioned stress, I am forcing myself to start running again. While I have continued to work-out this summer, I really haven't lost any pounds, and before anyone tries to explain how "inches mean more than pounds and muscle weighs more than fat" don't bother...I still have 20 POUNDS I want to lose, regardless of the previously mentioned statements!! SO I am adding RUNNING back into the mix...I really don't LIKE running, I just know it produces results. I am nervous about this too...I haven't run more than a mile here and there since the 5K I did in May..wow, it's NOT going to be fun for the first couple of work-outs. I am easing back into it but I still haven't forgotten how hard it is at first! The good news is that I got some AWESOME new running/aerobic shoes. It's like they were made for ME! They are the New Balance 1224 and they feel great on my feet, they are made for people with...ahem..."fallen arches" and have added heel and arch support not to mention the stabilizers on the upper part to help with my "overpronation" problems (also caused by my "fallen arches"). I hope they feel as awesome when running as they sound on paper and in reviews. I used them in my group classes yesterday and did have a little numbness, but I am not giving up. It may have been user error. They are 1/2 size larger than I normally wear (apparently that's recommended with this particular shoe) and because they are wider than I am used to around my toes, I may have tied them too tight to overcompensate. I am not used to my toes having so much room in a shoe...I guess, subconsciously, it bothered me?!?! If it happens again today, I will let you guys know. I know there are some of you who have far more experience than I do with this and can either, tell me what I am doing wrong...or tell me to take my "otherwise awesome" shoes back :-(

I am looking forward to this year. There are so many awesome experiences awaiting me (grad school, Missions trip to the Philippines, learning more about international adoptions, etc...) that I am almost giddy with excitement AND nervousness. I am trying to transfer my need to be perfect over to a "spirit of excellence" in everything I do. That way, I can still "kind-of" suffer from perfectionism and instead, give God the glory! How exciting is that!! It's a win-win situation as far as I am concerned!!!

Ultimately, I needed a "D-day" to get me moving back in the right direction...I just wish it had a happier connotation! Any ideas????

Finally, a great reminder to us all. These are TRULY words to live by.

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins.Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble."

2 Peter 1:5-10

We may not be able to NEVER stumble...but less is good :-)

With Love, Ash.

There's a [slight] chance....

Today I got up like any other day...up by 6:30, breakfast by 7:00..but then after that, everything's a blur...and somehow I ended up not getting to work until 9:30..Before you think I am going to get fired, my boss doesn't actually CARE what time I get in the office as long as I am meeting my goals. Now, there's the real issue, getting to work at 9:30 (or later) is not going to help me meet or exceed my goals. Its one of the MANY things on my mind tonight..which is why I couldn't rubber band everything on my mind into one stream of thought...I am not going to lie to you guys, I got the header from a book someone gave me called "There's a [slight] chance I am going to Hell" but the smorgasbord issues are ALL MINE ... So, while there is no chance of my going to Hell, there is a long list of OTHER slight chances in my life... enjoy!

There's a [slight] chance: I will never be a good housewife. Don't get me wrong, I really REALLY try but I just HATE housework. People who know my organizational skills would be surprised by how messy my house can get. I am afraid, in this aspect, I am [slightly] a lost cause...


There's a [slight] chance: I am losing my mind. For Real. Need an example? Ok, today (as you have already noted) did not start off on very good footing. Then, after a not-so-successful day in the office (not for lack of trying) I made my way to the local ERAC to pick up the rental car needed for tomorrow (and even went early) then headed to the gym for class at 5. Sitting in the parking lot of the gym, I noticed something missing....Oh yes, my gym bag...Can I make it back to 48th and Memorial and back to BA in half an hour at 5pm?? no, probably not..So I headed home, only to discover that not only were my house keys missing (still are) but I left the garage door opener in my car, still sitting at 48th and Memorial..eeek! How am I going to get into my house without the garage door opener or a house key?!?! Thank the Lord Jesus my husband had left a key under the mat (not normal) friday night for friends and hadn't picked it up.. Needless to say, I am concerned about my mental stability after today's events :-/


There's a [slight] chance: that I could be a better wife. It's possible I give myself too much credit. I generally DON'T endorse or listen to Dr. Laura (she's a little mean for my taste, but to each his own) but happened to catch part of her show the other day after Dave Ramsey...Interestingly enough, I was convicted about my current state of being. She talked about making your husband want to come home (not that mine has ever NOT come home) by acting like his girlfriend...eh, yeah, I could probably do that more. I get so aggravated because he is NEVER serious and NEVER talks about serious issues with me, usually just letting me handle it..but maybe if I didn't approach him with it and instead just made him feel loved and enjoyed and good enough EXACTLY the way he is, he would be more inclined to share responsibility with me... I mean, it's not like I didn't know his personality when I agreed to stay with him 'til death do us part'... I just didn't NEED to share issues with him, mine were mine, his were his, and, well, now it's a little different (ha ha)...Darn you, Dr. Laura...I don't even like her?!?!


There's a [slight] chance: I give myself too much "wiggle room" in the forgiveness department. Chris totally called me out (without actually calling ME out) at OneWorship Friday night when he talked about 'saying you forgive someone but then not engaging in relationships with those people because you don't to put yourself in those situations again'..I totally do that. Now, don't give him too much credit, God didn't tell him that; I DID, in a conversation a few weeks earlier...but nonetheless, it's probably something I could work on. No excuse, but I just feel like I should protect myself from people repeatedly hurting me (probably from years of hurts)...I guess, now that I think about it..that's not exactly what Jesus had in mind with that whole "turn the other cheek" verse...hmmm.... There's a [slight] chance I still have some work to do on forgiveness.

Now for the fun stuff:

There's a [slight] chance: that I have flat feet...I usually tell people that I have "fallen arches" but that's just to make me feel better...They're pretty flat!


There's a [slight] chance: that I will never be in a good of shape as some of you (ahem, Jen..Rene) 1. I really don't like working out as much as you obviously do 2. I really REALLY like sweets 3. I'm 'big-boned'...right?!?! :-)


There's a [slight] chance: I'm an addict. I gave up tanning after that crazy report about tanning being like arsenic (?!) but it's been really hard. I have stocked up on all the self-tanning mosturizers, allowed myself to get lobster burned on the river Sat (just for the CHANCE that I would get a little darker) and I have even (gasp) started to backslide from my original ban..saying that in the winter I might tan once a week "just for the vitamin D"...I'm a sad case...


There's a [slight] chance: that I lied to my husband about having ice cream last week. Story: We were heading to the church on some day (can't remember exactly) and had talked about getting ice cream on the way in...We drove separately and since he left before me I *thought* we were just getting ice cream on our own...so I did, a double dip cone (and no, I didn't even get frozen yogurt)...then, I get to church only for him to jump in the car to go get our ice cream..what was I to do?? So yes, I ate TWO double dip cones that day (this is also why I will never be in as good of shape as you) and lied to my husband about it :-)


There's a [slight] chance: that I am wrong more often that I would ever admit to anyone :-)


There's a [slight] chance: that I care too much what other people think...

And finally~

There's a [slight] chance: that I am going to eat ice cream again tonight too :-) Don't worry, I only have Skinny Cow in my house (darn you, Rene!!) :-)

Only one thing left on my mind tonight, I pray this blessing over my life and your life today and everyday:

"The LORD bless you, and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance on you,
And give you peace." Amen.

FOR REAL!