Monday, November 5, 2012

Mommy Guilt

I knew it was coming.

I mean, it was unlikely that I was going to be the exception to the rule....

The truth is?

I work full-time.

Sometimes I have to travel (though not often--and not far).

And even with a flexible schedule, there are things that I just. can't. get. out. of.

So what does that mean?

It means that I missed Marvel's first field trip.

It means that Marvel is part of the exclusive "after-care" crew whose parents aren't waiting in the pick-up lane at 3pm.

It means that I can't volunteer in his classroom like some moms can.

Or help decorate the bulletin boards (??).

And it often means that I am the last mom signing up for food for the Thanksgiving Feast, or Grandparents Day (don't even get me started on the guilt they smooshed all over me for that one...) or their Israel song celebration (again. ?)

But all of that? I could deal with.

I could hold my head high when picking Marvel up 10 minutes before the $1/minute after-after care starts.

I could smile on my way out the door as I pass the volunteering mommas on their way in.

I could even sleep at night knowing I didn't sign-up to bring anything for Israel-song-grandparent-thanksgiving-feast-day.

But missing a school production?

With all the costumes? The song and dance? The smiling faces as kids see their parents in the crowds?

That has almost destroyed me.

I'm swimming in Mommy-guilt, ya'll.

You see, I have a commitment with work at an event 2 hours away.

And Marvel's production? Is at 9:30 in the morning (why do they keep doing this to me??)...

The Husband has graciously offered to go in my place, video the whole thing, cheer and even bring a dish for the celebration afterwards...

And I'll take him up on all of the above.

But?  I should be there.

Tearing up because my baby is singing some ridiculous song on stage.

Laughing and visiting with all the other moms during the refreshments after.

Hugging and cheering when the announce Marvel's name and he comes running down to me.

Because I'm the momma.

And that's what we do.

And even though I knew I would --at some point-- suffer the wrath of mommy guilt?

It doesn't make it any easier.....

Tell me this won't scar my child forever please??


Ashley said...

Aww, that's a hard one! Just let him read this when he gets older and he'll know how much you really wanted to be there. You are a wonderful mama, Ashley! No mama can do it all though.

Lari said...'s hard and I totally understand how you feel. Marvel will remember the mommy dates and the fact that you found him his favorite superhero costumes and thousands of other things the two of you do together. He'll be fine...and you will too. Promise!

Anonymous said...

OH MY GRACIOUS-- I could have wrote this post!!!!! I go through those same feelings!!! Add on I am single mom... I knew adopting my son as single mom would be challenge... He goes to a small Christian school which is a blessing.. And when they make stuff for "Mom and Dad" they have him make one for me and one for Nana & Popi :) I just try to make all our time count! I don't do phone, tv or internet from time I pick him up until he goes to bed. Unless it's a show we are BOTH watching. he just turned 5 Monday and he is one of the happiest kids! Shelly Foster

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