Before I move on to Sweet Girl's story...I want to tell you mine.
When I was 3 years old, my Dad became my "dad". When I was 7, we all dressed up in our Sunday best and made it legal in the courts.
That day? I remember vividly.
I don't have any relationship with my biological father or family. I have One searing memory of him.
That's all I needed.
I tell you all that as a prelude to this. When I was 7, we moved to a new town. I desperately didn't want people to know that my dad wasn't my "real" dad. I didn't want people to call my brother and sister my "half" brother and sister. I just wanted to blend right in.
And, you know what?
My mother gave me that.
I can easily recall having complete ownership of my story.
What I chose to share was my decision.
What I chose to keep to myself? Also my decision.
I remember finally making the decision to tell my best friend.... in High School (!)
In fact I can remember making each and every decision as to what I would and would not share about my story.
Because it was all mine.
The point is... no matter what had happened in my life that I didn't have control over?
I owned my story.
Fast forward twenty some-odd years and there is a beautiful little girl across the world who is going to have a lot of things happen that she doesn't have control over.
She'll lose her home and sense of normalcy.
She'll lose the majority of her culture.
She'll lose her language.
She's already lost people she loved....
And that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Yes. Adoption is redemption. Yes, It puts the fatherless into families.
It is not without it's share of loss. It's not without it's share of "lack of control". It's not without grief.
We will do everything in our power to retain culture.
We will do whatever possible to keep some language.
But we can't give her back everything she's lost.
We will walk through that loss and grief with her. We will be completely committed to her healing. And I am confident that God doesn't leave us in "distress". I know His story for her doesn't end here. And I am honored to be her Mommy and watch His destiny unfold in her life.
But we can't give her back what she's lost.
What I can give her?
Is her story.
But please know...
I won't share.
Because I love that little girl too much not to protect her story until she is old enough to decide what she would like to do with it.
I love her too much to hand out the precious details of her life to strangers and passerbys.
I love her too much to take ownership of what is rightfully hers.
You see, she may not have the luxury of blending in (which both her daddy and I had) as she processes her life and adoption story.
But she will always.
Own her own story.