Thursday, October 13, 2011

Her Story.

Before I move on to Sweet Girl's story...I want to tell you mine.

When I was 3 years old, my Dad became my "dad". When I was 7, we all dressed up in our Sunday best and made it legal in the courts. 

That day?  I remember vividly.

I don't have any relationship with my biological father or family. I have One searing memory of him. 

That's all I needed.

I tell you all that as a prelude to this. When I was 7, we moved to a new town. I desperately didn't want people to know that my dad wasn't my "real" dad. I didn't want people to call my brother and sister my "half" brother and sister. I just wanted to blend right in.

And, you know what?

My mother gave me that.

I can easily recall having complete ownership of my story.

What I chose to share was my decision.

What I chose to keep to myself? Also my decision.

I remember finally making the decision to tell my best friend....  in High School (!)

In fact I can remember making each and every decision as to what I would and would not share about my story.

Because it was all mine.

The point is... no matter what had happened in my life that I didn't have control over?

I owned my story.



Fast forward twenty some-odd years and there is a beautiful little girl across the world who is going to have a lot of things happen that she doesn't have control over.

She'll lose her home and sense of normalcy.

She'll lose the majority of her culture.

She'll lose her language.

She's already lost people she loved....

And that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Yes. Adoption is redemption. Yes, It puts the fatherless into families.

But.

It is not without it's share of loss. It's not without it's share of "lack of control". It's not without grief.

We will do everything in our power to retain culture.

We will do whatever possible to keep some language.

But we can't give her back everything she's lost.

We will walk through that loss and grief with her. We will be completely committed to her healing. And I am confident that God doesn't leave us in "distress".  I know His story for her doesn't end here.  And I am honored to be her Mommy and watch His destiny unfold in her life.

But we can't give her back what she's lost.

What I can give her?

Is her story.


**********
Everyone Most people who have asked about her backstory are well-intentioned. They mean no malice or harm. They aren't looking for gossip or a good story.

But please know...

I won't share.

Because I love that little girl too much not to protect her story until she is old enough to decide what she would like to do with it.

I love her too much to hand out the precious details of her life to strangers and passerbys.

I love her too much to take ownership of what is rightfully hers.

You see, she may not have the luxury of blending in (which both her daddy and I had) as she processes her life and adoption story.

But she will always.

Always.

Own her own story.


**********

We are still working hard to reach our big goal of $5,000! We know that number is bigger than anything we can do on our own...BUT GOD IS ABLE! We are confident that God has called us in this journey and He will fund it! If you want to partner with us in this adoption journey, please go to http://smithfamilylowdown.blogspot.com/2011/10/puzzle-piece-fundraiser.html
to purchase your puzzle pieces! And don't forget, for every person that also partners with us and tells us you sent them, you get an additional raffle entry!!! Every $5 helps... So share away!!

4 comments:

Ashley said...

I love this, Ashley... you are such a good mommy already! This little girl is so, so blessed!

Lo @ Not Your Average Southern Belle said...

Please, PLEASE write an adoption book when this is all said and done. This is probably one of the most beautifully written pieces on adoption I've ever read :)

Cheryll said...

She is so blessed to have such a great mommy already! I am super excited for you and so proud of you, Ashley! :D

Jodes and Boz said...

This is a terrific post!! My husband and i have had a few discussions on this subject, and much like you, we've come to the conclusion that it is THEIR story. And will be THEIR story to tell some day. We don't want to ruin it, or have everyone know the "dirt" on them. As you said, we're already taking them away from EVERYTHING they've ever known for the past 5 and 3 years of their lives. TO live with people that look nothing like that, don't speak the same language, to new sights, sounds, smells.... I can't even imagine what our children are going through/will be going through. Anyway, again, so excited for you! One more thing (and maybe as i continue to read your blog I'll know, but will you be keeping her Ethiopian name or giving her a new one? Just curious. :-)

Post a Comment