Didn't see that coming!

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!

We will be traveling across the globe next month to meet our Sweet Cupcake!!

We are excited.

And anxious.

And nervous.

And a little overwhelmed.

And full of anticipation.

We can't wait to meet our Sweet Girl and we are excited to see how God provides the way for us!!!

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

To join with us financially, please check our our puzzle piece fundraiser! We need $5000 for this first trip!!

Praise the Lord! This truly will be a time of Thanksgiving!!!

I will give to the Lord the thanks due to His rightness and justice, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

Psalm 7: 17



Her Story.

Before I move on to Sweet Girl's story...I want to tell you mine.

When I was 3 years old, my Dad became my "dad". When I was 7, we all dressed up in our Sunday best and made it legal in the courts. 

That day?  I remember vividly.

I don't have any relationship with my biological father or family. I have One searing memory of him. 

That's all I needed.

I tell you all that as a prelude to this. When I was 7, we moved to a new town. I desperately didn't want people to know that my dad wasn't my "real" dad. I didn't want people to call my brother and sister my "half" brother and sister. I just wanted to blend right in.

And, you know what?

My mother gave me that.

I can easily recall having complete ownership of my story.

What I chose to share was my decision.

What I chose to keep to myself? Also my decision.

I remember finally making the decision to tell my best friend....  in High School (!)

In fact I can remember making each and every decision as to what I would and would not share about my story.

Because it was all mine.

The point is... no matter what had happened in my life that I didn't have control over?

I owned my story.

Fast forward twenty some-odd years and there is a beautiful little girl across the world who is going to have a lot of things happen that she doesn't have control over.

She'll lose her home and sense of normalcy.

She'll lose the majority of her culture.

She'll lose her language.

She's already lost people she loved....

And that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Yes. Adoption is redemption. Yes, It puts the fatherless into families.

But.

It is not without it's share of loss. It's not without it's share of "lack of control". It's not without grief.

We will do everything in our power to retain culture.

We will do whatever possible to keep some language.

But we can't give her back everything she's lost.

We will walk through that loss and grief with her. We will be completely committed to her healing. And I am confident that God doesn't leave us in "distress".  I know His story for her doesn't end here.  And I am honored to be her Mommy and watch His destiny unfold in her life.

But we can't give her back what she's lost.

What I can give her?

Is her story.

**********

Everyone Most people who have asked about her backstory are well-intentioned. They mean no malice or harm. They aren't looking for gossip or a good story.

But please know...

I won't share.

Because I love that little girl too much not to protect her story until she is old enough to decide what she would like to do with it.

I love her too much to hand out the precious details of her life to strangers and passerbys.

I love her too much to take ownership of what is rightfully hers.

You see, she may not have the luxury of blending in (which both her daddy and I had) as she processes her life and adoption story.

But she will always.

Always.

Own her own story.

**********

We are still working hard to reach our big goal of $5,000! We know that number is bigger than anything we can do on our own...BUT GOD IS ABLE! We are confident that God has called us in this journey and He will fund it! If you want to partner with us in this adoption journey, please go to http://smithfamilylowdown.blogspot.com/2011/10/puzzle-piece-fundraiser.html

to purchase your puzzle pieces! And don't forget, for every person that also partners with us and tells us you sent them, you get an additional raffle entry!!! Every $5 helps... So share away!!

{Candid} Thoughts.

It's difficult to explain how it feels when people partner with you to help bring a child home. Every $5 puzzle piece purchase touches my heart so much. We are blessed, indeed. And we still have a long Long way to go.

I can't really explain the struggle that we (like many other families) have in asking for help. We have saved (and saved. and saved) for some time to have most of the money needed in the process to bring our daughter home. We don't have extras. We drive old cars. We don't live extravagantly. We tithe and support outreaches in our church.

And yet, in the end, we still needed help. We still don't have enough.

I couldn't help but (in my prideful nature) ask God why?

Why is it that even with all we have done, it's not enough to bring her home?

Why do we have to swallow our pride and ask others to partner with us? (what if they don't want to)

Why can't we just look like we have it all together on our own?

I mean....God would still get the glory, right? We try to live our lives in a way that God always gets the glory. So, there's no loss there.

Right?

"If you give, you will get! Your gift will return to you in full and overflowing measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use to give-- large or small-- will be used to measure what is given back to you".        Luke 6:38

"God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them".  Hebrew 6:10

“I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these (offerings) I have given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you".   1 Chron. 29:17




I understand these verses completely when I am honored to give and partner with other ministries, familes, and missionaries. 
(It's just harder to see it that way on the other side)

I recognize that I may not be able to go with them. That I can't single-handedly end the orphan crisis. That I can't "run" the ministries doing great things on my own.

Not only am I not qualified.

That's just not how God intended it.

Our lives are intertwined. Our success in transforming our world, our Children's world, is connected to our ability to support each other. To give. To support. To pray.

And, then?  When I am forced to step back from my pride and let God show me more...I can clearly see that He COULD very easily plant an Adoption Money Tree in our backyard.

Oh, how the people would marvel...

But He won't.

Because He has already chosen His vessel.

Us.

You and me.

Working together to make our world a better place. A place that shines God's light. A world where God is given the glory. Because we said Yes.  You may have said "Yes" to something different. But we all know what it's like to say "Yes" to God.

For us? It was  adoption. When God asked us to bring children into our loving family the same way God brought us into his. We simply said "Yes"

And, because we said yes? He will make a way.

It may not be the easy, pride-protecting, Adoption Money Tree way.

But, I wouldn't trade the joy of having people join with us and support us on this journey for that tree...

I'll take "community" over "pride" any day.


If you would like to join with us, please go to our Fundraiser Post for more information!

A Weird Feeling.

Today, for the first time...I started crying reading milestone blogs..

I mean, I cry reading blogs pretty frequently..Just? Not the ones that document kiddos milestones at X age.

But today? I had a weird feeling.....

I have pictures of Cupcake all over my desk  pretty much everywhere...And reading these blogs this morning, I had my first sense of personal loss.

I have prepared myself for dealing with Sweet Girl's losses and helping her to walk through that grief...but as her mother..I hadn't really considered my own.

You see?  She already walks.... She already talks.... She already eats on her own....She already smiles (although this has yet to be documented on camera).

And...I am so unexplainably thankful to God for entrusting her to us...

but I can't help but feel a sense of loss for not getting to be there when she first picked up her chubby body and took steps
(This is totally fabricated based on my imagination...My girl is really skinny)

Or wondering what her first words were....

I am confident that she first smiled at her Enat...and I can happily give that one away because her Enat loved her as much....but the others? Probably happened in an orphanage. A loving, caring orphanage I am sure.....

But it's the not same as having her mommy cheer for her and run for the camera before she plumets back to the ground when taking those first steps...

Or having mommy and daddy argue over whether or not baby gibberish might be some rendition of  supercalifragilisticexpialidocious convincing us of her future as either a scientist or a broadway actress
(either would be acceptable of course)...

And, I don't know really where these emotions came from. I haven't felt them before and honestly?  I haven't felt anything but love and gratitude for the opportunity to be her mommy. I feel an inexplicable connection with her Enat and first family...and overall I am walking in constant thanksgiving for our Sweet Girl.

I guess today? I just realized that--with all I will get to be there for----there are some things I just missed.

And that just made me a little sad...