Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Somber thoughts regarding friendship- warning!

So, I was all ready to "hit the sack" after spending the whole evening playing on facebook and fulfilling my incessant need to comment on everyone's facebook status er... working on homework. But, sitting in the shower (what, you guys don't sit on the shower floor?) I realized that I had a lot on my mind that, unfortunately, wasn't adequately released while doing above mentioned homework

I had an amazing weekend with one of my OLDEST, DEAREST friends this past weekend. I love that some friendships never fade, no matter how long they are separated, or how much distance is between them. We had an awesome time catching up, shopping, cooking, eating...And through the course of this fantastic weekend, I came to a pretty sobering realization; I don't make friends like that anymore, and probably haven't in the last 10 years. Although, I did have a few that could have grown to that point around 5 years ago...I think some of them stalk my blog and I wouldn't want any Conway-ians to think I don't realize what we had.
Don't get me wrong, I make friends. I even make good friends. But when we get together, we talk about kids, pets, fitness, shopping, recipes. When old friends get together you talk about sex, fears, anger, struggles, and love. I guess I never realized how important that really is to my soul. I thought I was fine shooting the breeze, but getting to truly pour out my heart without fear of reprisal, correction, or contempt...man, that is a good feeling. I tend to internalize things that really bother me...I mean REALLY bother me, and getting to vent knowing that I could completely trust Ruth (not just her, I actually have a few friends I feel that way about) helped me, kind of, clean out my soul and my mind.

I think the worst thing about it, besides the miles I have to put on my car on trips to AR and MO to get my "fix", is the fact that I think I am a pretty good friend. And I bet there are some people out there that probably could use a friend like me. I just think I am incapable anymore of getting that close to people. I think that too many times, trust has been broken, corrections have been made, and wounds have been created. I have learned, in my life, that two childhood sayings ring very true. 

1. "Once you get burned, you learn not to touch the stove" 

2. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

It's a shame really...it's the truth but a shame nonetheless.


Anonymous said...

I feel this way often. I don't think that you are incapable of making these kinds of friends, I just think it takes a certain kind of person when you get older to make you want to be that kind of friend.
I wasn't lucky enough to find those kinds of people in Arkansas, but lucky for me I have 2 of the best friends ever because of the Army. I also don't think we were meant to have a bunch of those kinds of friends. That way we never take them for granted!

*Ashley Lou* said...

Very true Jenn. Thank you for the comment

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