Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I don't really remember...


I recently gave up facebook. It is important to disclose that, as we move on, for a few reasons. 1.) It would surprise many people that I have actually blogged two days in a row and would certainly raise curiosity! 2.) The truth is I am only blogging two days in a row because I have simply transferred one addiction for another and, as I mentioned before, I gave up facebook!! But, that's really what I wanted to write about anyways...

See, I remember a lot...If you ask my husband, he would say I forget NOTHING. But, there are things that I know I just CAN'T remember. I remember why I am scared of wasps, I remember WANTING to know what a broken bone felt like, what wearing glasses were like, and even what it felt like to have braces...But I can't remember at what point "perfectionism" (not a good thing) was ingrained in me, I don't remember how you go about re-cultivating relationships, and, oddly, I don't remember life before online networking..Even now, I have checked my "blog list" several times today and I am even looking for NEW blogs to subscribe too...but, there WAS life before the internet, right???

I think this blog has given me an outlet to channel all my thoughts. I always talk about how busy I am, but I don't remember what it felt like to NOT be stretched and I don't know whether or not I could live without all these factors anyways! I have old friends that I haven't spoken to in years, and even though I DO remember all the great times we had together, I just don't know how to start back at square one. I mean, I am sure I have done it before...I just don't really remember how... It just surprises me all the things I CAN'T remember...

I always talk about all the things I will stop doing when I have kids. People assume that because I DON'T have kids that it means I don't LIKE them.. That's not true, I just know that everything I do everyday shares me with everything else...God, church, work, school, house, pets, HUSBAND... I am only being cautious to ensure that my children don't feel like they were "sharing" me with all these temporal things...So, I say that I will quit many of them (or finish) before kids...but the truth is, I don't remember NOT being busy with so many things..So, isn't it just more likely that I will just pick up new things to take my time?? Aren't there just going to be 100 more things pulling at me? It's a scary thought.

I want to be good at it all (you only need to read a few of my past blogs to know that I am NOT) but I never cut back enough that I can be truly great at a few things...I guess I just don't want to be mediocre and I worry that, that's all I really can be at 100 different things...Mediocre.
Isn't that just the deadliest plague....

Til next time (or tomorrow, probably) ;-)

~~Ashley

4 comments:

Jen said...

Hey Ashley!
It's Jen (Rene's friend). LOOOOOOOOVE your blog. LOVE the layout (you are obviously talented!) and LOVE your descriptoin over there on the right-hand side bar. "only want to be known as pursuers of HIM". OH YES! That is my heart too!!! I think we are gonna be great friends, and don't worry, I'll butt my head right in and you won't even have to remember how to start from square one with relationships! Ha ha...internet (blogging) has a way of connecting people all its own anyway).
I can't wait to have some time to go back and read some of your old posts! Jen

*Ashley Lou* said...

Awesome!! I am excited! The background was supposed to be easy but ended up being a real chore..I am happy with it now, but I hope I never change my mind!
Now, I guess I need to find your blog too!! Glad you found mine!

echinacea1 said...

Ok, I read it all, and it seems true to what I know-except the part about giving up facebook. . . You should continue to use facebook as a way to point people here.

*Ashley Lou* said...

Yes, well that part was short lived anyways...I never knew what was going on in anyone's lives!! :-)

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