Lost.

Have you ever been lost?

You know, truly and completely uncertain about your surroundings or which way to turn to get where you want to be...

It can be debilitating.

It can be confusing.

It can be downright scary.

I grew up in a small rural town in the South. My playground was the woods behind our house and the creek a few miles away. 

I remember being gone from sun-up to sundown playing in those woods. Running barefoot down the dirt road because my old tennis shoes were soaked from playing in the creek. Eating berries off the side of the road. Climbing trees so high I could see for miles and miles. Discovering new places and new adventures all the time.

But I don't ever remember being lost. 

Strange, isn't it? I rarely knew where I was...
but I always knew where I was...

When I think about my life now? My dreams? My "plans"? I often get distracted by the steps involved. When I don't know what step comes next, I immediately become frozen with fear.

And I can't help but wonder...at what point in my life did not knowing where I was stop being a new adventure? When did I become so afraid of the unknown?

I sit here confused. Because to tell you the truth...there are no balls in the air. There are so many things I want to do in life and I? just don't know which way to turn to get there. And I wish I saw it as a new adventure. I wish I could see myself as an explorer discovering new seasons in life. 

I want to be that person.

But more often than not, I stand in front of the mirror and remind myself that God will never let you miss His destiny for you if you are seeking Him.

And yet, that doesn't mean it's going to happen today.

That's why it's called Faith.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 (NIV 2011)

For the Love

If you've guys been around here very long, you've heard me talk about how Hard the adoption journey is.

There are so many tools we have to carry around with us -all the time- as adoptive parents...ready to whip them out at a moment's notice.

Tools for healing and helping our kiddos navigate feelings.

Tools for diffusing situations.

Tools for building attachment.

Tools for food issues, sleep issues, ownership issues...

The list goes on and on and on....

My friends in the adoption-world often joke about kidnapping taking Dr. Purvis home with us from one of her conferences so she can just do it for us... She's really good, ya'll. {and it's exhausting.}

But while all of those tools are needed and incredibly useful in helping bring our children healing.

They are no substitute for Love.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" 1 John 4:18(a)

Now, I don't claim to have perfect love. I get annoyed and frustrated  and angry. And I yell more than I mean to and apologize more than I wish I had to.

But...there are times when I can see how my love for Marvel is the vessel God is using to blanket him in perfect Perfect Love.

We took a lot of pictures of Marvel sleeping when he got home. Partly because we were doting first-time parents who took pictures of every remotely cute thing he did (in-turn, we created a monster, ha!)

But partly? because sleep did not come easy for our sweet Marvel. It was a time of vulnerabilty and an opportunity for fear to come roaring out. Awake and asleep.  It was here when fear was its strongest that I saw the power of Love.

Many nights, in the early season of Marvel sleeping in our room, he would wake up overwhelmed with fear and I would reach down and rub his back or hold his hand. As he gripped my hand in his and slowly drifted back into desperately-needed rest, I saw that Love. Perfect Love that only our Heavenly Father can pour out. Was more powerful than even the deepest, most rooted fears.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

You see...Love doesn't erase the sins. It doesn't get rid of the hard stuff or make any of those things disappear, the way we might want it to.

But. It does release us from the power those things have over us. Deep Love, Perfect Love. brings us the strength we need to walk through the hard things without being overtaken by them.

It covers us. It empowers us. It heals us.

Today I am linking up over at:

Changing the Way I Pray

Look at that face.

It's the face of a {perfect} child.

Except for when it's not.

He's going to grow up and become a man someday.

He's going to get married and have children.

He's going to look back and think of all the things he will do different in raising his own family.

And contrary to how that might sound, I have no problem with that. In fact, it brings me much peace to believe that he will aspire to be a better parent and spouse  and person than I am or ever will be.

And as his mother, of course, I pray for him and that future all the time.

But not in the way I always imagined I would.

Example: When I was a teenager, True Love Waits was just getting some notariety. It's popularity was increased with books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".

In that season of abstenance-education, when I would pray for my future husband, I would pray the ever-noble "keep us both pure"...as if somehow, free-will wasn't an issue in the romance area.

And while my heart was in the right place, I believe that prayers like that (in my own case) were somewhat misdirected.

I mean, even then? I struggled with questions like What if my future-husband-to-be didn't know about True Love Waits. What if he'd never read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, What if he wasn't even a believer at that time? What if he Was and yet still made bad choices.

What if I did?

Did that mean God wasn't answering my prayers? Did that mean I would walk the rest of my life full of shame and guilt? Did it mean I was no longer worthy? Of course not. 

My sins were on that cross. I wasn't redeemed because I had never sinned..but rather because I had. And would again at some point.

Redemption wasn't offered because I was good enough, Grace was given because I wasn't.

But because I had focused on the sin and not the grace, my view of the value each held was distorted...

And just for the record, I completely support the True Love Waits initiative and it's counterparts. It isn't that I don't believe in abstenance and monogamy and the beauty of marriage as it was intended, unaffected by shame.

I do. (and will preach the same to my children)

It's just that..that is just one example of the way we often pray about the future....maybe instead of praying that my children or even my children's future-spouses behave a certain way or enjoy certain things or even avoid certain mistakes...

Maybe instead of all that?

I focus my prayer on the foundation of all it all.

Grace.

"For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God" (AMP) Eph. 2:8

I will devote my life to raising children who desire Jesus. Who long to be with Him and fulfil their part in advancing the Kingdom of God. I will pray that God will shield them from hurts and rejection and mistakes that undoubtedly have consequences. I will train my child with discipline, direction, love, and The Word of God. I will ALWAYS pray that the Holy Spirit would be an ever-present voice when my children face choices and that their hearts would be soft and their ears would be open to listen to the direction of the Lord.

But they won't always.

And no matter how long I stand before the throne of God on their behalf? They will sin.

And so more than all those other things, I will contend for their quick repentence and return to their Father. I will cry out on their behalf. And most importantly, I will beseech the Almighty for a greater impartation of His Grace in my life.

I pray that my children believe wholeheartedly in their salvation through grace. That they would expect that same grace extended from us {their parents} and that they would be quick to return that grace to the people around them.

That our expectations of each other would be muted by the overwhelming faith in a God that has poured out unlimited grace on us, despite our sinful nature.

“But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound”Rom.5:20

So, no longer will I pray that my children will avoid certain mistakes and sins. No longer will I pray for a specific personality trait or desireable habit from their future spouses. No longer will I focus on the things that man cares about...

Instead? I choose to focus on the desires of their hearts.

That they would be ever-turned to the desires of God's heart and that their lives would be guided by that relationship and the daily presense of the Holy Spirit. I pray that they would be courageous and brave for justice. That when choices are presented, they seek the will of God first. And I pray that they would walk the straight and narrow path their entire lives without looking to the left or the right when the enemy is trying to pull them in.

But when all that fails and sin occurs despite my greatest efforts?  I pray that they know Grace.

That shame and guilt are suffocated under the overwhelming love that Grace gives. And that I am able to give freely the grace that has been given to me.

I pray that they feel loved and worthy even in the midst of consequences and that I am never the vessel the enemy is able to use to cloak them again in shame and guilt.

And I pray that in my own sins, my children have an understanding of grace enough to extend it back.

Because, even in my greatest moments, I am still a sinner.

Saved only by Grace.

 

Finding Peace in the Storm

We are in a season of testing.

I knew we would be

But I never expected quite to what extent we might be tested.

Appliances needing replacement.

Vehicles needing repairs.

Adoption fees due ahead of schedule.

Jobs ending.


It's a lot to have happen right at once. I stare at the budget and beg God to give me wisdom and direct my every step...To make me a good steward.

But I already know what's going on here...and while God very-well may answer my prayers for wisdom and stewardship...that's not why this is happening.

This is about Faith.

God isn't surprised by our myriad of struggles.

He hasn't forgotten the path He put us on in this season.

He isn't overwhelmed when He looks at our situation.

No...He's not trying to figure out how to get us out of this...He's working these things together for our good. For something we can't even see today. Because it hasn't been painted yet.

He is setting the stage.

He is putting us in the refining fire.

He is reminding us that He is still in control.

And that He's got this.


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

"Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Check out this Powerful Post from Ann Voskamp today...

May we all be Radically Grateful.

New Lessons.

I can remember walking through the early lessons of patience like it was yesterday.

I remember the torment of endless waiting.

The helplessness of no control.

The pain of learning to trust Him completely.


And I can remember the heartache of pursuit.

Losing the dream of having a child--we'd grown to love--ever be ours in the flesh

Asking ourselves if we could handle it if the Unthinkable happened again.

Learning that even though This wasn't about us--He?  was always For us.

Determining to pursue despite heartache and grief.

So many lessons learned. So many thorns along the path that led to such a beautiful reward.

Pain that taught me empathy.  Heartache that brought me to surrender.  Waiting that made me patient.


But, I'm a smart gal.

I knew that even with all those lessons... I certainly hadn't *arrived* yet.

And I knew that despite all my brilliant understanding of the costs of choosing this journey again?

God wasn't through teaching me.

His lessons are rarely easy.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things unseen"  Hebrew 11:1

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us" Romans 8:16-18

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 4:6-7

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" Luke 12:6-7

If I truly believe that God has directed our steps, then my lesson today is to learn how to have faith in Him to carry us to the finish line.

He is not concerned about the things that concerns man. Money is no deterrent to God's plans.

He hasn't forgotten us. He hasn't left us.

He is in control.



I couldn't fix it

I think the hardest thing for me to accept in life is that there are things I simply can't fix.

Choices that others make that --agree or not-- I just don't get a vote on.

Hurts, struggles, grief that I see people walk through--and yet, there is nothing I can do to make it better.

As a "do-er" by nature, these things have always been hard for me to accept.

But last night? As my sweet baby boy told me he was sad, but didn't have the words to explain it in any greater detail?

That was the first point in my life, in which I would have moved Heaven and Earth to "fix it".

**********

I think so many times we do our very best to prepare for grief.

We see it in their coping mechanisms.

We acknowledge that it's the root cause of their behavioral issues.

Their sleep issues.

Their meltdowns.

We have tools to help our children regulate their emotions.

Tips and tricks to teach them new behavior patterns.

Entire libraries full of books to remind us that connection must be the foundation of correction.

And yet, at the end of the day?

Looking into eyes filled with sadness and words trapped behind a language barrier?

I didn't have any tools in mind. No tricks up my sleeve.

I just wanted to fix it.

And I couldn't.

**********

I can't change the fact that he misses people he loves dearly in Africa.

I can't remove the hurts and loss he's suffered. Some he may not even recall exactly, but he know's he's sad...

I can't tell him when or if it will all go away. That the pain and grief will magically disappear and all of the sudden, he'll be completely free of those early scars.

But I would.  If there was any way in this world that I could heal him, I would do it.

I think that's at the very core of the heart of a parent. And as I sit here swallowing down the lumps in my throat even just recalling the sadness in his eyes..I'm reminded that we are not his only "parents". He has a Heavenly Father who loves him with even more fierceness than I do.

He has a Father who IS capable of bringing his heart healing and filling voids that I simply can't fill.

He is a child of the Most High and his Father will move Heaven and Earth to bring him healing.

I am confident in this.

**********

And while I know that Marvel struggles between the joy, love and trust he is building with us and the sadness, grief and sorrow at what he's left behind, I am made more and more aware that healing isn't an overnight process.

That joy and grief aren't mutually exclusive.

That walking this path of healing isn't going to be an easy or short journey.

But that, through it all,  we can hold fast to these truths:

That "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up all their wounds" (Psalm 147:3)

That He promised he could give rest to all those who labor and are heavy laden. That if we would take His yoke upon us and learn from him, we would see that He is gently and lowly in heart and we would find rest for our souls. For His yoke is easy and his burden is light.  (Matthew 11:28-30)

That sorrow may last for the night...but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)


I don't know what the future will look like. I can make my sweet boy no guarantees about how he will feel in one year...Or 10...Or 20. 

But I can promise him, with every fiber of my being, that we will walk this path with him. That he is NEVER going to be alone. That it is ALWAYS okay to be sad or angry or happy. That how he feels is valid and that we are never going to leave. That we will be right there with him. In the times when he doesn't want to dig deep into the well of emotions. And in those times when he feels his loss the deepest.

And I can Guarantee to him that our God is faithful and has promised him healing and wholeness in ways we could never offer him.

I once heard it said that sorrow may last through the night, but joy WILL come in the morning. And that, if joy isn't there, then it isn't morning yet. 

Hold fast.

Because it WILL come.

Saying Yes.

Sometimes when you say "Yes" to God, you have to fight every fleshly instinct you have.

Oftentimes it's not about what you can see but rather what you CAN'T see.

When you say "Yes" to God, you are saying, "We want to walk the path YOU have set for us".

When you say "Yes" to God, you are saying, "I'm trusting more in You than in what I see around me"

When you say "Yes" to God, you are saying,"I will walk this path even though I have no idea where it leads"


Saying Yes to God is rarely as convenient as saying Yes to the world.

And the return is beautiful and hard, mighty and weakening, filled of joy and pain.

But it's worth it. All of it.

**********
I remind myself every time the enemy starts throwing stability, money, risk, and comfort in my face that, though I can't see where this path leads, I am confident that my God is taking me to land of milk and honey--if only I won't stop to wallow in the desert.

Because this path? Is worth it.

**********
We are in a season of prayer, trusting, and hope and we would love it if you would stand with us praying:

* That God would open/close doors that need to be

* That we would be receptive and quick to respond

* That we would have a Kingdom understanding that the "finances" of it have no ownership when our God is the Provider.

* That we would make decisions carefully and only after seeking His will

* And that  God would protect and direct our family

Our God is Good.

May the voice of truth be clear.

I usually don't comment on these sorts of things.

I most definitely have an opinion. And I will not hesitate to share such opinions with you in honest and respectful dialogue.

But truthfully? I find so much of the words and "shouting" and boldness expressed on social networking to be counterproductive at best and more likely, damaging to the discussions.

But.

BUT.

As my amazing son is babbling about something in broken English, broken Amharic while laughing and jumping up and down (something about a fish and washing your hands)...my heart is heavy. Aching even.

Because when I watched the Pat Robertson clip that had been trending on my facebook, I was grieved by what I heard....the same way I imagine my Savior was grieved.

You see, it's not just that he simply didn't support adoption. Let's be honest, if all Christians supported adoption, it would be a lot less painstaking for adoptive families to fundraise. So my guess is that there are a number of Christians who don't support adoption.
Of course, that's another post for another day.....

My heart was grieved because as I watched that clip, I realized this poor man had no concept of the dirt and filth and sin that covered him with stench when Jesus came along with redemption. with salvation. with adoption.

Jesus didn't just send money and "pray" for the least of these, he brought them close to his chest in a warm embrace and said "Welcome to the family. Here you are dearly loved."

My son? Isn't perfect. He has his scars...and for now? we even still have some open wounds. But he is perfectly and wonderfully made. And regardless of what his circumstances were, God has something beautiful in mind for him.  Healing is being done as we walk with him through his grief and hurt. I am not confident in my own abilities to help him...but I am MORE than confident in Jesus.. I know without a doubt that He loves Marvel more than I could ever imagine possible.

And for me? I can't describe to you the intense emotions that grip my spirit when I think of the ways God has blessed my life with this little boy. I am filled with awe at having a glimpse of the way the Father walks with each of us through our own healing. I am overcome that --while covered in my own sin and filth and circumstances--God called me to Him saying "Come here, daughter, where you are dearly loved. Come close to me so I can bring you healing and show you the plans I have for you"

So when I watch a clip where adopted children are referred to as "weird" and families who are blessed with these children called "The United Nations", I am hurt and saddened by his small view of the Kingdom and by his damaging words to Christians worldwide about the redemptive power of Jesus Christ...

But, as loud as his voice may be...I am confident that the voice of truth will be even more clear.

So, to the person out there who was sexually abused. YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. To the children who were beaten and told you weren't worth anything. YOU are God's Favorite One. To the children whose abuse came before you even took your first breaths. God did not make a mistake with you.

To those out there whose scars are on your heart. God loves you wholeheartedly. You are valuable. To those whose circumstances caused unfairness and hurt. God is your healer. He hasn't left you or foresaken you in your world.

We are all weird. Yes, You. Our circumstances are less than ideal. There is not one of us who wasn't covered in sin and filth and  requiring death. There isn't anyone who earned their salvation. The only way we could be "saved" was through the death of Jesus Christ.  And when He finished what He came for, we--for the first time-- had salvation. A second chance. An eternal family. Adopted into the greatest family ever.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.  Romans 8:14-16

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.  Psalms  68:5-6 (a)

May this be the loudest voice of all.

We Talk Too Much Anyways...

Language.

It's the basis of our community.

It's how we make decisions and come to consensus.

It's often the dynamite the blows up our differences.

It's central to our modern-day existence.

And it was my greatest area of fear when we were neck-deep in prayer and conviction to change our "preference" to adopt an older child as opposed to an infant.


"What about the language barrier? How will we communicate?"

And I scoured the internet for help.


Blogs.


Adoption Resources.


ESL and ELL teacher resources.


And I found? 

A couple of lists of useful Amharic words for adoptive families.

A couple posts talking about how quickly children learn/lose language (about 1-2 months for every year of life)

But overall? very little about this issue.  

Where were all the real pointers?

What about the practical tips?


So, I thought I would document what we have done.

Because, I can't help but think....If it was my greatest initial fear?

Maybe it's yours too.

But before we take one more step, I want to assure you of this truth.

LOVE? Is so much more essential than language.

We knew 15 words.

Marvel? knew zero.

Language is a pillar in our culture. No doubt.

But Love? Is the foundation.

Patience is pretty nice to have too.

All that being said, Here is a list of words we decided were important for us to learn.


Because --let's be honest--  it's completely ridiculous to expect a 4 year old to carry all of the language-barrier-weight while we get frustrated and impatient because we can't communicate.


Some other tools we have used to bridge the gap and make the language transition easier on our sweet little guy:

*Flash cards, flash cards, flash cards.  Marvel LOVES "point and name" which made going through a stack of flash cards a game in itself!!

* Word Puzzles. This was also FUN! FUN! for little Marvel! He learned a lot of "around the house" terms using these puzzles!

* Photo Albums. Here's a few lessons we learned about photo albums that you want to give a 4 year old: Laminate all photos. Use metal rings. Durability is key!  

The first album pictured is one we sent to Ethiopia after our first trip to meet Marvel. It's filled with pictures of us with him, the other children, etc... The second album was one The Husband made filled with pictures of foods, activities, airplanes, our home, cars, etc...This was our first "point and name" attempt! It was used a lot on the trip home and now is just carried around in his backpack ;-)

I think what surprised me most were the words he picked up on the fastest:

Trash
Kitchen
"Come on"
"Let's Go"
Motorcycle
socks
popsicle


And the lesson for us was to go in with open hearts and allow our "preparedness" and patience lead the way.  

One month home? Marvel has over 50 words and adds new ones every day! Colors, numbers, alphabet, songs. 

This kid is definitely a genius child. =)

And I can confidently assure prospective parents not to let language dissuade them! It's far less important and critical to building memories than we think it is.

Truth be told? We talk too much anyways ;-)

In the Words of Marvin Gaye

What's going on?

I've been meaning to write. Really, I have.

There is so much to talk about. I still want to write about our first trip to Ethiopia before I start to forget things.

I still want to give you the official "What happens next" post because Lord knows, we still have some hoops to jump through.

I still plan to overload you with pictures of the most adorable boy in the world.

No, really....I have such good intentions.


But today? I'm just going to ask you to pray with me. We're now one month out from our court date and 3 1/2 weeks from the official decree.

We were supposed to be submitted to Embassy on Monday.

But of course something was missing. Specifically, a lab report.....

Then we got the optimistic news that the Embassy no longer only requires agencies to submit on a specific day of the week (Yay!) and that they would be trying to submit us again on Wednesday. (Yay again!)

But that wasn't true. Somewhere there was a miscommunication (Really? That's so unusual?!) and they actually DO have to submit on a specific date. Ours is Monday.

Monday is Memorial Day.

They are hoping they will be allowed to submit on Tuesday instead.

Does anyone else feel like they are listening to a broken record?

Cause I sure feel like I sound like one.


I still have a million things to do to get everything "ready" for Marvel's arrival.

I have a hundred-million things to do to get ready for leave from work.

But if they called me tomorrow? I would be on a plane.

No questions asked.

He has underwear and socks. Which is all that is really essential anyways =)


I am not really sure where my thoughts are going on this. I guess just to say I could really use some Aarons and Hurs right now.

Hoping for better news next week.

*Ashley Lou*

Where Have You Been?!?

Life is crazy.

One day, you feel like time has actually slowed to a stop.

You're staring into the deep ravine that is your empty email inbox.

And you feel completely helpless...certain that surely "no news" must-- in fact-- mean "bad news"......

And then?

You are staring into these beautiful eyes...wondering how you managed to ever live without them....

Oh, you still remember the pain. The sorrow. The torment and agony of loss and wait. All the things that ebb and flow in the process...Because those are important to remember. They were are real. And as soon as we forget them, we begin to lack compassion for those who need us most. Those still in the trenches. Our friends. Our comrads.

But. BUT. Suddenly, you also find yourself basking in Grace and Redemption.

You become immensely grateful to a God that doesn't leave you in your misery.

And you are full of immeasureable pride and honor that God would even choose you for this, His most Precious Creation. That you would be given such a blessing as this.

Certain you don't deserve it. Not one bit.  But, knowing, always? That it never depended on what you deserved. That God never asked you to earn it. He only asked you to lean on Him. To steward and love with everything you have. To lead this perfect creation to the One that loved that him first.

And with the weight of that bearing down on you...you look again into those eyes and think, "Where have you been my whole life?" and you know....you will never be the same.

mar·vel/ˈmärvəl/

Noun: A wonderful or astonishing person or thing.

It's Here!

This is the week....

In less than 5 days, we will be on a plane to Ethiopia to meet our sweet Marvel.

For some reason, I can't seem to shake the fear that something could still go wrong. 

No one has given me any indication that would warrant my fear, but it's still there...in the back of my mind...

Whispering to me that if I let myself dive into the deep end of excitement?  

I could easily drown there.

**********
I can't adequately describe what that little boy's smile does to me....It melts me into a puddle of goo and I get lost in dreamland staring at his face, wondering about how it will feel to snuggle up with him and give eskimo kisses and watch him play sports probably soccer..football =)

I've discovered it's impossible to securely guard your heart from that kind of emotion...and as much as it pains me to realize that I haven't done a very good job, I can't help but wonder if God intended it this way?

I mean, Love? Loss? Grief? Healing?  Aren't those written into the very framework of our faith?

Aren't we closer to Jesus because we know these things?

Aren't we better able to be His hands and feet to the hurting because we've walked these paths?

They aren't easy.
No one with half a brain would try to suggest they are.

But, having been down this road before, I can wholeheartedly say that God carried me in the times when I was certain I couldn't take another step.

And I have every confident that He's going to carry me this time too.

No matter what awaits us...

Of course...we're praying This is what awaits us.

This is the "Robot Pillow" I sent with a family recently.
My heart stopped when I saw the joy it brought him!

40 Days. Part II

Update: During 40 Days Part I (which actually ends on February 24) we have given over 650 items that we already had. Already. Owned. Folks.  Add to that the 100 burgers handed out to the homeless downtown and we hit about 750.

Imagine what freedom we would have if our things stopped meaning so much to us?

Imagine where our time/money/resources could be spent if we weren't concerned with how much we had?

It's powerful stuff, friends.

Like, completely interrupt your life powerful....


I am so excited to see what happens in Part II


***************
Respite: res·pite/ˈrespət/:  An interruption in the intensity or amount of something; 
A pause for relaxation.


To Pause.


It's the cause of one of the greatest clashes between culture and faith.


Our ability to stop.  And listen.


To be still.


To give ourselves over to the pause.


The Sacred Pause.


As I allowed my eyes to be opened and I stared at my own reflection, I was appalled at how rarely I pause.


Are we really so important and busy that God must work around our schedules?


Are we truly a culture that says to God, "We'll pencil you in"?


I don't want to be that person.


But I am.


I don't want to see that in my own reflection.


But I do.


As I spend this season asking God to reveal to me His heart, I have been broken by the fact that He's been waiting  for me to stop.  and listen.


It crushes me to think I have done that to the One who is most dear to me. Ignored my King?...


So for 40 days [February 29- April 8], I will practice The Seven Sacred Pauses.


"Honoring "the hours" through conscious pausing for prayer at specific times of the day. When I speak of the hours I am referring to those times of the day that the earth's turning offers us: midnight, dawn, midmorning, noon, midafternoon, evening and night. Although every hour is sacred, these special times have been hallowed by centuries of devotion and prayer...It is possible to develop a kindred spirit with these rich historical hours that does not require praying specific texts or going to a specific place for prayer. Each hour has its own unique mood and special grace. You can learn to enter into the spirit of the hour wherever you are. No matter what you are doing, you can pause to touch the grace of the hour."  - Macrina Weiderkehr


In addition to taking pause throughout the day, I have decided to also fast those things that have kept me too "busy" for time with my Father (Facebook, Blogging, Pinterest).


Because more than anything I want to live in communion with God.  And I know that in order to do that, I have to stop.


And actually listen to the heart of my Father.


40 Days.


No Social Networking.


No Blogging.


No Pinterest-ing. (?)


Replaced with:


Pausing.


Praying.


Listening.


On Purpose, this 40 Day fast ends on Easter.  


I chose to place this season of asking to see God's love in a new way in the same season in which we acknowledge that it was that very thing that held him on the cross.

For me.

Father, may my time be spend more wisely as I devour Your will and purge myself of the "needs" this world has convinced me I have.  Open my eyes that I might see the areas You want access to. As I practice the seven sacred pauses, I cry out for Your spirit to be ever present with me. As I stop and listen, I pray that I hear You more clearly than ever before.

Renew me, my beloved.