Guest Post in honor of National Foster Care Month

Hey guys! Today I am so excited to share a guest post by my friend Lindsy! I love her heart for foster care and I have been so gripped recently by the mis-education out there about foster care and even adopting children from hard places. All I know is that we need more families ready to stand in the gap for these babies! In honor and celebration of National Foster Care Month, Lindsy has done an amazing Foster Care series over at Word from the Wallaces that I HIGHLY recommend you check out when you're done here!

Take it away, Lindsy!

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I'm excited and honored to be sharing our foster care journey and a bit of my heart for orphans with you today! God may have this post specifically for you OR this may not be your calling.

Do whatever He is calling YOU to. He is calling you to something!

Let's start here ----> We never intended to be foster parents. It was not on our radar or any to-do list. We began the process of international adoption in 2009. We ended up with two biological kiddos and continued our pursuit of international adoption. Foster care literally never entered our minds.


My thinking was along the lines of "Kids in the US have roofs over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their tummies. Their parents are not dying of AIDS at alarming rates and they are not dying themselves of dirty water. The needs of children overseas are greater." (I. WAS. WRONG.)


Flash forward to 2012. Through a series of events only God could orchestrate, we became involved with a local family in need. We stepped in to care for the children for a short season so their mother could position herself to properly care for her kids.


And that's when God went to work on our hearts.

We learned early on in our placement with the boys that they might not be leaving anytime soon. In fact, it became apparent they would likely be going into foster care. Since we were not certified foster parents, that would have meant them being pulled from our house and moved into a state certified foster home.


He re-wrote our story to include the American orphan. God knew we needed to see it for ourselves, in our own living room. So we became foster parents.


He showed us how the effects of neglect, abuse and trauma in the United States are NO different than the effects of neglect, abuse and trauma in Africa or Haiti. He opened our eyes to the 500,000 orphans in our own country who will go to bed tonight as wards of the state. He taught us that while yes, children in third world countries are more likely to be on the streets in the only shirt they own begging for food and living in a carboard box beacuase their parents are dead or dying, the effect parentlessness has on them is no greater than the effect of parentlessness on orphans right "here".


Their needs are the same. The same as children in Africa. Children in Russia, India and Haiti. The need for lovers of Jesus to fight for the American orphan is the same.

There are currently over 100,000 children in the US foster care system who are legally available for adoption. Did you know that? One year ago I did not.

There are a lot of myths regarding foster care and adopting from the foster system. Unfortunately, the only stories that receive media attention are ones where a birth parent shows up years later and demands their kid back. Or stories of kids who linger in the states care for years and years.


While these things do happen, they are not the norm. More importantly, the system may be broken, but God is sovereign.


The state's job is to protect children but the state cannot and does not nurture children and point them to the only One who can heal him. His Bride must do that. If not us, then who?

If you'd like to learn more about foster care or adoption in your state visit Focus on the Family.

Lindsy and her husband William live in Kentucky with their four preschoolers and are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a toddler from Africa. She blogs about orphan care and Jesus at word from the wallaces.

For the Love

If you've guys been around here very long, you've heard me talk about how Hard the adoption journey is.

There are so many tools we have to carry around with us -all the time- as adoptive parents...ready to whip them out at a moment's notice.

Tools for healing and helping our kiddos navigate feelings.

Tools for diffusing situations.

Tools for building attachment.

Tools for food issues, sleep issues, ownership issues...

The list goes on and on and on....

My friends in the adoption-world often joke about kidnapping taking Dr. Purvis home with us from one of her conferences so she can just do it for us... She's really good, ya'll. {and it's exhausting.}

But while all of those tools are needed and incredibly useful in helping bring our children healing.

They are no substitute for Love.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" 1 John 4:18(a)

Now, I don't claim to have perfect love. I get annoyed and frustrated  and angry. And I yell more than I mean to and apologize more than I wish I had to.

But...there are times when I can see how my love for Marvel is the vessel God is using to blanket him in perfect Perfect Love.

We took a lot of pictures of Marvel sleeping when he got home. Partly because we were doting first-time parents who took pictures of every remotely cute thing he did (in-turn, we created a monster, ha!)

But partly? because sleep did not come easy for our sweet Marvel. It was a time of vulnerabilty and an opportunity for fear to come roaring out. Awake and asleep.  It was here when fear was its strongest that I saw the power of Love.

Many nights, in the early season of Marvel sleeping in our room, he would wake up overwhelmed with fear and I would reach down and rub his back or hold his hand. As he gripped my hand in his and slowly drifted back into desperately-needed rest, I saw that Love. Perfect Love that only our Heavenly Father can pour out. Was more powerful than even the deepest, most rooted fears.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

You see...Love doesn't erase the sins. It doesn't get rid of the hard stuff or make any of those things disappear, the way we might want it to.

But. It does release us from the power those things have over us. Deep Love, Perfect Love. brings us the strength we need to walk through the hard things without being overtaken by them.

It covers us. It empowers us. It heals us.

Today I am linking up over at:

{Spotlight Series} The Wallace Family

I'm so excited to continue with the Fundraising Family Spotlight Series and to introduce my new friend Lindsy and her beautiful family!

The Wallaces are the featured family this week in the Give1Save1 campaign and I'm so excited to share with the world their amazing story and help them raise the $$ they need! Please consider joining with us by supporting the Wallaces this week over at Give1Save1 where each $1 makes a difference! You can read all about their adoption journey Here and while you're there please check out their store and all the other cool ways you can become part of their village!!

The Wallace Family - Adoption Story from William H. Wallace II on Vimeo.

Oh, and while you're here...please watch this amazing video they've made about their adoption story!! Best video ever! :-)

The Hard.

Today I am linking up with my friend, Tiffany! Go check out all the other beautiful posts on adoption, foster, and orphan care!!

First, I should warn you that I just returned from Created for Care and I am processing a Lot of stuff these days... That said, proceed at your own risk ;-)

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Adoption is a picture of redemption. True.

And adoption puts children into forever families. True.

And for us, as the adoptive parents, I think the picture of the journey to our children is often filled with waiting, pursuit, longing, waiting, paperwork, waiting lists, more paperwork and more waiting.

All True.

And there comes a point when, after all that anguish, we are able to put the journey behind us and declare it all worth it in the end.  True.


But there is more to the story. There is so much more to the process and to the journey than our "yes".

There is hard, too.

Because while we were journeying and paperchasing and waiting and waiting and waiting?

Our children were walking through rejection, abandonment, shame, loss, hurt, longing, relinquishment, lonliness, abuse, trauma, neglect, malnourishment, sadness and grief.

Yes. Adoption is restoration and it is redemptive and it can bring beauty to brokenness.

But. BUT. It is also hurt. and loss. and more loss.....


It can be too easy, in my experience, to see the finish line and declare ourselves victorious without considering the hidden things. the broken things. the layers upon layers of hurt that we must carefully help our children peel back to bring true and complete healing.

We must be willing to walk through the hard, too, parents.  We must be willing to acknowledge that those early hurts deeply affected our children. And we must be ready to grieve with them. To talk about the hard things. To be honest and trustworthy with our childrens stories. To love them through the anger--which will undoubtedly be directed at us-- and to sit and wait as our children examine deeper and deeper inside their protected little hearts for the things they most want to be rid of....

We must understand that that finish line we celebrated? Was the starting line. We had simply arrived at the race.

And intentionally. purposefully. honestly. We must walk through the hard stuff with our children. We must cover shame with His grace and love. We must acknowledge unfairness and grieve hurts and losses and unanswered questions. We must be fully present. constant. never failing in our love and consistency.

Gently. 

Never forgetting that for us to be their forever family...

they have to have lost their first family.

"Adoptive parents and families are not always aware of how being relinquished has deeply impacted their adopted child. They are just so thankful to have that child in their life. But, all the while adoptive parents are rejoicing and celebrating, their adopted child is grieving the missing parts of his or her life before living with their family. Their adopted child has lost a part of his or her history, his or her DNA, his or her life –- and no one is available to talk about it." 

-Carissa Woodwyk

Love Big.

This past weekend I was blessed to  attend Created for Care with my dear friend Randee!

Since re-uniting with reality...
(for real, ya'll ...there was chocolate and coffee EVERYWHERE!)

I've tried to gather my thoughts.

Process some stuff.

Re-evaluate motives. actions. Opportunities.

And mostly I've tried to remind myself that I chose to walk this path of Intentional Parenting.

I chose not to depend on the 'norm' to correct, connect with and help my children heal.

I knowingly entered into this world of brokenness and beauty and loss and redemption and grief and restoration.

And His Grace has so abounded....
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As I think about all I gained this weekend, I truly don't know if it's possible to express how much my heart was filled as I sat listening to the Voice of the Adoptee as she walked through the " adoption process" from our children's view.
"Children from hard places often deal with immense shame related to the earliest rejections, abandonments, losses... Guilt is in direct relationship to actions...but Shame? Shame speaks to someone's very Goodness"   Oh. The power of those words as we walk next to our children on their road to healing...

Or how refreshed and renewed and released I was in my date with God....
I came feeling like I was in a good place. With adoption. With life. But, oh my...when given the chance to truly release the weight.. I was surprised by how much I needed the embrace of my Father. How much I desired to just be a child in the safety of her Father's arms again without the burdens of this life....

But I know that I needed it. And so did 899 other mommas who traveled to Created for Care for the January and March retreats.

Those amazing mommas who planned and organized and orchestrated all of this... what can be said in gratitude to the women who gave us the chance to sit in a room and look around and think "These are my people" and tell stories and discuss struggles that we so carefully protect in our everyday lives?

It seems so inadequate for all that was poured out on our behalf...

You see, I'm not necessarily the best at making friends...but at C4C I truly believed I was in a room with true friends.

We cried together. OMG. Did we cry together (have I mentioned yet my inability to cry pretty?).

We laughed and cheered and renewed our spirits together.

We worshiped together.

And together we left. Ready to go home. To get back to the very basics of all we know about parenting our kiddos from hard places. To be fully present in their needs and desires and sorrows.

To Love Big.

Finding Peace in the Storm

We are in a season of testing.

I knew we would be

But I never expected quite to what extent we might be tested.

Appliances needing replacement.

Vehicles needing repairs.

Adoption fees due ahead of schedule.

Jobs ending.


It's a lot to have happen right at once. I stare at the budget and beg God to give me wisdom and direct my every step...To make me a good steward.

But I already know what's going on here...and while God very-well may answer my prayers for wisdom and stewardship...that's not why this is happening.

This is about Faith.

God isn't surprised by our myriad of struggles.

He hasn't forgotten the path He put us on in this season.

He isn't overwhelmed when He looks at our situation.

No...He's not trying to figure out how to get us out of this...He's working these things together for our good. For something we can't even see today. Because it hasn't been painted yet.

He is setting the stage.

He is putting us in the refining fire.

He is reminding us that He is still in control.

And that He's got this.


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

"Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Check out this Powerful Post from Ann Voskamp today...

May we all be Radically Grateful.

Letters to my Child: What A Difference A Year Makes

Today I am linking up with The Open Letter Campaign!

Click here to see more amazing letters or join in!

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Marvel,

It was one year ago today when we saw your face for the first time. They had obviously cleaned you up and posed you, yet you still looked cautious and sad.

Of course none of that mattered to us..You could have been covered in spaghetti sauce throwing a grade-A fit in the floor for all we cared.

We were in love.

I knew it would be true, the old adage "The days are long but the years are short".

I knew that time would seem to fly past me once you were home and I decided that I needed it to slow to a stop.

And none of that has gone unnoticed.

You've been making our lives more joyful and fun and crazy and hectic and frustrating every single day for the past 7 1/2 months.

But you've been in our hearts for so much longer than that.

And we wouldn't trade a second of the honor of being your parents-- with all its frustrations and loss of sleep and slow-eating-- for anything in the world.

Son, it is my greatest honor to be your mommy and my greatest joy to have your arms around my neck giving me the biggest "bear hug" you can muster.

I promise to love you and steward you to the very best of my ability in God.

I promise to laugh with you and be silly and make messes and not care when you do.

I promise to sing with you. Songs we know. Songs we don't. Songs we make up.

I promise to cheer you on and give you "thumbs up" from sidelines and believe in you always.

I promise to snuggle and read books together as long as you'll let me.

I promise to tell you every day how amazing you are and how much I love you (Telleck to the moon times infinity).

I promise to care enough to give you correction and discipline when it's necessary, and to offer grace and teach you about redemption so that you don't carry the weight of your mistakes with you...

I promise to pray for you daily...sometimes even hourly...

I promise to always love you more. Regardless of whether or not we've have a good day or a "hard day". In whatever circumstances we come into.

No Matter What.

Love,

Mommy.

I Don't Know How It Feels

When the Husband and I announced our desire to build our family through adoption, most of the looks of "understanding" and whispers circled around one notion.

Infertility.

It was the elephant in the room that didn't exist.

I was pompous. Probably even insensitive.

How Dare they assume that the only way people might choose our world was if they had struggled with infertility? went my brain...

My words, while laced in sarcasm southern molasses were less pointed and yet got the point across.

We've actually chosen this as our First plan for parenthood, I would say with an air of nobility.

As if--somehow-- that put us in a different category of adoptive families.


But, truthfully...my words? my self-built pedestal? were no better than the ones being vomited at me during Sunday School.. "You know...now that you're adopting you'll probably get pregnant (wink wink)"

Oh. So that's how it works.... And all this time I thought sex was involved.

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Here I sit, three years later. And my heart aches.

In my own adoption journey, I've been a bystander to the paths so many people take from suffering through their own infertility struggles, to trading their dreams (as Lauren so eloquently put it) for the nontraditional path of adoption. 

I've listened to the depth of pain and suffering that preceded the fork in the road.

And I've learned something about myself.  I'm not the courageous one.

I certainly deserve no high admiration.

My road to adoption (not necessarily in) was easy.

No hard decisions. No lost dreams. No sorrow and heartbreak as everyone around you celebrates their pregnancies and children.

I've never had to pick myself up from that place.

I don't know how it feels.

To be honest, I'm not even sure I would have the grace for it.

But I know this for sure.  Making light of the struggles of infertility would be akin to mocking someone with cancer. 

It's insensitive and callous. 

It tears open wounds that people are trying desperately to heal.



I read an article recently about a famous family (for being famous I suppose) with one sister newly pregnant and now announcing her own struggles with infertility (which seems oddly publicized and just recently mentioned at all) while a second sister has had to openly walk the path of infertility in front of the world.  While I know very little about the family and only what the world say about these journeys, I can't help but feel a pain in my heart for the second sister. 

Because I now understand one truth completely.... it's not a light matter. It is a heartbreaking and sometimes completely devastating road to walk, filled with uncertainty, letdown, and ultimately the bravery to get back up and keep walking...

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So to my friends out there who have suffered and walked this path alone, I am so sorry. I should have cried with you. I should have sat with you in the silent prayers and the staring out the windows. I should have ached with you in the grief and the loss. Please forgive me because I didn't know then what I know today...

And, for my friends out there who-- like me-- have not walked down the painful road that so many others have, please recognize the courage and sacrifice that road has required of them. Acknowledge and admire those women who tell their stories later with only a trace of sadness left in their voices.  Sit and cry with friends who have had old wounds ripped open and ask God, through your own tears, for His healing...

Remind yourself when you think it's not a big deal that you've not been asked to walk that road.

Respect that it is a deep wound. And treat it as such.

And never assume you know how it feels.....

Letters to My Child & The Open Letter Campaign

Today I am linking up with The Open Letter Campaign.

Check it out to read more open letters!

Dearest Child of Mine,

When I think about our journey to bringing you home, it stands in such strange contrast to your brother's that I am often left speechless.

With Marvel, so much of our journey was about waiting. About patience. About trusting God to bring His promises to light.

And then, with you...it's been such a whirlwind that I too-easily get caught off-guard by every next step.

I mean, don't get me wrong...God still has many lessons to teach me. Still about trusting Him and Still about being faithful in the Pursuit...but also about Faith. And about Miracles. And about Surprises.

So many times in our lives we become such experts at execution that we can forget who is *really* taking care of it all.

We execute {perfectly} the morning routines...

We execute {perfectly} our tasks throughout the day...

We execute {perfectly} the evening and bedtime routines. ..

And we find comfort in the *knowing* of what to expect.

But my God? Is a God of beautiful surprises.

And that is exactly what you were.

From the moment we laid eyes on you.

From that first inkling that God was about to ask us to do what we never imagined we'd do.

From the first time I fell asleep dreaming of the way you perfectly fit in my arms.

You were God's beautiful surprise.

So, while I may still try to pretend I have it all figured out and while I might still attempt to execute perfectly...

I will always remember that God began this whole new thing....with a beautiful surprise.

You, my sweet one... are God's wonderful* exciting* joyful* exhuberant* Beautiful* Surprise.

Longing to bring you home,

Mommy.

{Spotlight Series} The Kennett Family

I've wanted to start spotlighting fundraising families for some time now!

In fact, it's been on my heart since the first of the year when I committed to re-vamping and truly praying about the purpose of my blog.

I've since blogged a total of 3 times.

And done zero tasks in the re-vamp department.

{I'm totally rockin' these goals.}

So in the spirit of actually doing something I resolved to do,  I am so excited to announce our Fundraising Family Spotlight Series where periodically, I will showcase different adoptive families in fundraising efforts and sometimes even just talk about creative fundraising ideas!!

For the launch, I am so excited to showcase my friends, The Kennett Family, as they enter the final lap in bringing their sweet girl home from China!




Meet the Kennett Family from The Kennett's Krazy Life!


It has been quite the journey, for my friends. One that {I know} has taken them places they never imagined.  And after the years of longing and struggle in the process. After so many months  reassuring yourself that God won't leave you in this place. After walking with the sadness that you feel in the middle of that valley. After all that?

Joy comes in the morning! And today? They are completely overwhelmed with joy and love! They are consumed with getting everything ready for their sweet Khloe!

And we? Can partner with them!

They have launched an iPad Bundle Giveaway fundraisers, and for only $5 you can enter to win over $500 (!!) worth of Apple love!! But you have to hurry! This giveaway ends on February 22nd!




iPad Mini, Targus iPad cover, Apple earbuds with microphone and $100 iTunes Gift Card!



Please consider being part of their story with me! 

Go HERE for more information and to buy your tickets!

New Lessons.

I can remember walking through the early lessons of patience like it was yesterday.

I remember the torment of endless waiting.

The helplessness of no control.

The pain of learning to trust Him completely.


And I can remember the heartache of pursuit.

Losing the dream of having a child--we'd grown to love--ever be ours in the flesh

Asking ourselves if we could handle it if the Unthinkable happened again.

Learning that even though This wasn't about us--He?  was always For us.

Determining to pursue despite heartache and grief.

So many lessons learned. So many thorns along the path that led to such a beautiful reward.

Pain that taught me empathy.  Heartache that brought me to surrender.  Waiting that made me patient.


But, I'm a smart gal.

I knew that even with all those lessons... I certainly hadn't *arrived* yet.

And I knew that despite all my brilliant understanding of the costs of choosing this journey again?

God wasn't through teaching me.

His lessons are rarely easy.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things unseen"  Hebrew 11:1

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us" Romans 8:16-18

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 4:6-7

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" Luke 12:6-7

If I truly believe that God has directed our steps, then my lesson today is to learn how to have faith in Him to carry us to the finish line.

He is not concerned about the things that concerns man. Money is no deterrent to God's plans.

He hasn't forgotten us. He hasn't left us.

He is in control.



Letters to my Son: You turned 5 on me.

Dearest Marvel,

You have this amazing capacity to brighten the world around you in a way few of us have.  I've had friends ask me "Is he always as happy as he looks in pictures?" and the answer is, "Yes, most of the time!"  You're a child full of happiness and joy and love and I am always in awe of how different you are today than you were in those first days we met at The Big House.  I can only imagine that somehow you were trying to protect the person you were and the walls were built to keep your joy and happiness safe for a while.

When I think of all the things you are and all the things I see you becoming, I am constantly overwhelmed with this feeling that I am so completely undeserving. You have this amazing moral compass and desire to do the right thing.  You strive to be kind and good. You hate getting in trouble (who doesn't) or hearing that you didn't do something as well as we know you can.  You rarely forget anything we say and often times you'll come up to me with your "better" try and I have to dig in my brain a little to remember what it was you didn't do as well the first time!

You have a passion for music that rivals your daddy's. We are so lucky to have met people who know where this love comes from and I am often brought to tears thinking that there are people looking down on you from Heaven enjoying every minute of your songs.  We love them here, too.  I love to hear you sing songs and the fact that you will sing anywhere (even the grocery store) and I am confident that you bring joy to every person who passes us!

I can remember being so worried that a boy of 4 1/2 would probably be out of the cuddle with Mommy phase of life but I am so blessed to have you! Because you are the kind of kid who reaches out to hold hands, jumps in for "family hugs", and wants to cuddle to fall asleep each night. One night as we were getting you ready for bed, you said you wanted to cuddle with Mommy afterwards and when I asked you "why?", you said "because....because I LOVE Mommy."   That moment will be forever engraved on my heart.

I am torn as a Mother...wanting to hold on to these first moments forever. Knowing that with each day you grow up a little more...becoming more and more independent and I know that the time will eventually come when spending time with Mommy might feel more like punishment than fun.  And yet, at the same time, I can see glimpses of the person God is creating in you. The kindness. The joy. The desire to do right.  How fully you work to be good at something (swimming and soccer come to mind). And my goodness, you are SO smart! I don't want to miss a single moment of that either...of you growing up and becoming the Man of God you were destined to become!  I am so blessed to be your Mommy and I love you so much more than I could ever put in words.

I love you Telleck to the Moon,

Mommy.

Heartfelt by Trinity Ridge

31 Families of Hope!

Today you can find me over at Reaching Hearts for their "31 Families of HOPE" series as I talk a little about our adoption journey!

 
If you are joining us from 31 Nuggets, Welcome!!!  Feel free to look around and while you're here please check out our Giveaway going on right now and consider partnering with us as we journey to our next child...and if that isn't incentive enough? The prize isn't too bad either ;-)

Big-Fun-Amazing Announcement!

That's right!!

We are ready to announce some amazing news!

We are officially working on our SECOND adoption!

I wish I could sit down over coffee with you and go back and start at the very beginning.

Sitting in the orphanage where we were thanking the caretakers for so fully loving our son.

Feeling those pangs in our spirit.

Trying to brush them off--yet recognizing that God was doing something in those moments...

You see, we hadn't been thinking about a second adoption so quickly.

Frankly?  Our finances don't currently line up....

But we came home and inquired anyways... As it would turn out, there were children WAITING for families.

Well.....

We were a family who had chosen to adopt older for that very reason. We believed a child was WAITING for us at that moment.

And so we prayed. And worried (okay, that was just me). And contemplated. And talked to our Social Worker. And were told we'd have to wait... Then told we wouldn't...

And before long?

Every door had opened up for us to jump back in!

I can't divulge too much more than that right now...only to say that we anticipate this second adoption might go significantly faster than the first.

I'm filled with joy and excitement. Anticipation and worry. All those things I remember from those first days.. years ago.

But this time around, I've got a few lesson in Patience and Pursuit under my belt. I'm no expert (for sure) but I'm a few lessons closer than I was before!

We would love your prayers and partnership (as our village) as we re-join this crazy world.

• We are believing for miracles in our finances and in this journey to our SECOND baby!!

• We are believing that God is going before us and preparing us (and our children) for this new "real"

• We are believing that we have what it takes to withstand the roller-coaster-like-journey that we know adoption can be...

• We are trusting that God has impressed on us to jump in and therefore He will make us ready!

Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement as we venture into the [slightly less] unknown!

P.S. If you're wondering, Marvel prefers a brother. Or another dog. (because of course he does)

A Different Kind of Sunday Share!

Today I have a special edition of Sunday Share!

I am so excited to be featured on The R House in their Blessed by Adoption series!

Go show me some love over there and stay around! The R House is an awesome website and Mrs. R honors all the important points in the triad (birthfamily, children, adoptive family), speaks openly about the beauty of open adoptions and celebrates adoption and all it's blessings!  I am so inspired by all the stories I have read and am so excited to be part of that series today!!

Tools of Transition: The Schedule

For the introduction to this series, click Here!

As many of you know, Marvel is our first little one.

Needless to say, these were unchartered waters.


We were are a little green when it comes to the whole "parenting" thing. And then, the icing on the cake?

We jumped into the pool in the deep end.

By adopting an older child and taking the poor thing halfway around the world to navigate everything from language to cultural norms to family....Nice.


But, after reading so much literature and speaking with so many people who had been 'there', I knew that structure would be key. 

Flexible. Adjustable. Compromising.

And yet... Unchanging. Solid. And Dependable.

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For us? It was important that Marvel have some control over the schedule and be able to refer back to it often.  There was a season, right after we got home, when I was able to stay home with him so this schedule became quickly integrated into our lives. We started the day off by looking at the schedule to see "what was first" and it wasn't long before several times a day, Marvel would come running into the room say "First this, then this, then this!" 

It was obvious that structure gave him peace and helped him feel in control of what was happening.

We used laminated pictures with velcro backs to indicate individual items.

There are two velcro strips on the board that the pictures can adhere to and a variety of activities to put on the board!

Many of Marvel's favorite things on the schedule included tv (go figure), book time, and learning time.

As you can see, below the schedule there are folders for each day (except Friday when we did field trips) with workbooks in them. During those first few months, we were strategic in what we learned each day and each learning time was rewarded with a sticker!  

Now? Marvel is in school all day and rarely desires additional learning time in the evenings. But when he does (usually on the weekends) he will go through his folders and pick out a workbook to go through on his own!

I think that the best part of our calendar/learning time system was the foundation it laid for Marvel. Now, when he's bored on a Sunday afternoon (and is out of tv minutes) he often goes to look at the calendar to see what comes next and will fill any empty minutes with things like puzzles, books, and learning time!

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The other piece of structure that-- we realized very quickly-- would be important to Marvel is the Responsibility Chart

Marvel came from a living situation in which chores were obviously part of his reality. He very quickly began taking on little bits of responsibility each day without us even prompting.

The first was his desire to care for Moses, our dog.

Marvel really wanted to take care of Moses, thus his daily chore became feeding and watering Moses and letting him in/out as needed. The rest of the days had rotating "chores" like helping with laundry, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning his room, and cleaning the backyard.  

The chart was built for longterm use and the idea of adding additional chores as well as additional children to the mix. We really only use the top week and rotate there as necessary but I am hopeful this Responsibility Chart has a long life in our family!!

Finally talking about surprised and changes to the schedule were and still are really important for Marvel to be able to process and deal with what happened next.

One example of a [really recent] time this was made completely evident was when school was out of session one day but they had an optional child-care. I hadn't really prepared Marvel for the fact that his teacher, classroom routine and basically everything "normal" was going to be different. 

That was a big big big mistake. 

It reminded me that even though Marvel seems so well-adapted at times, we have to be consistent in the way we handle new situations because his little mind and body are still processing so much!!

In our world, structure has been a glue that has held us together at times!!! Definitely an important tool!!

Stay tuned for the next edition of Tools of Transition!