Letters to my Child: What A Difference A Year Makes

Today I am linking up with The Open Letter Campaign!

Click here to see more amazing letters or join in!

********************

Marvel,

It was one year ago today when we saw your face for the first time. They had obviously cleaned you up and posed you, yet you still looked cautious and sad.

Of course none of that mattered to us..You could have been covered in spaghetti sauce throwing a grade-A fit in the floor for all we cared.

We were in love.

I knew it would be true, the old adage "The days are long but the years are short".

I knew that time would seem to fly past me once you were home and I decided that I needed it to slow to a stop.

And none of that has gone unnoticed.

You've been making our lives more joyful and fun and crazy and hectic and frustrating every single day for the past 7 1/2 months.

But you've been in our hearts for so much longer than that.

And we wouldn't trade a second of the honor of being your parents-- with all its frustrations and loss of sleep and slow-eating-- for anything in the world.

Son, it is my greatest honor to be your mommy and my greatest joy to have your arms around my neck giving me the biggest "bear hug" you can muster.

I promise to love you and steward you to the very best of my ability in God.

I promise to laugh with you and be silly and make messes and not care when you do.

I promise to sing with you. Songs we know. Songs we don't. Songs we make up.

I promise to cheer you on and give you "thumbs up" from sidelines and believe in you always.

I promise to snuggle and read books together as long as you'll let me.

I promise to tell you every day how amazing you are and how much I love you (Telleck to the moon times infinity).

I promise to care enough to give you correction and discipline when it's necessary, and to offer grace and teach you about redemption so that you don't carry the weight of your mistakes with you...

I promise to pray for you daily...sometimes even hourly...

I promise to always love you more. Regardless of whether or not we've have a good day or a "hard day". In whatever circumstances we come into.

No Matter What.

Love,

Mommy.

Wordless Wedneday

***************************************************

A Valentine's walk down Memory Lane

My Handsome Valentines

Excited about Silly Socks Day!

A perfect slumber party in the fort

Shopping for some Ridin' Boots for Grandma's house

Saturday fun: A bike ride followed by some kite flying!

No really Moses...by all means make yourself comfortable... :-)

Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see?
I see a little boy dressed up like me!

I Don't Know How It Feels

When the Husband and I announced our desire to build our family through adoption, most of the looks of "understanding" and whispers circled around one notion.

Infertility.

It was the elephant in the room that didn't exist.

I was pompous. Probably even insensitive.

How Dare they assume that the only way people might choose our world was if they had struggled with infertility? went my brain...

My words, while laced in sarcasm southern molasses were less pointed and yet got the point across.

We've actually chosen this as our First plan for parenthood, I would say with an air of nobility.

As if--somehow-- that put us in a different category of adoptive families.


But, truthfully...my words? my self-built pedestal? were no better than the ones being vomited at me during Sunday School.. "You know...now that you're adopting you'll probably get pregnant (wink wink)"

Oh. So that's how it works.... And all this time I thought sex was involved.

**********

Here I sit, three years later. And my heart aches.

In my own adoption journey, I've been a bystander to the paths so many people take from suffering through their own infertility struggles, to trading their dreams (as Lauren so eloquently put it) for the nontraditional path of adoption. 

I've listened to the depth of pain and suffering that preceded the fork in the road.

And I've learned something about myself.  I'm not the courageous one.

I certainly deserve no high admiration.

My road to adoption (not necessarily in) was easy.

No hard decisions. No lost dreams. No sorrow and heartbreak as everyone around you celebrates their pregnancies and children.

I've never had to pick myself up from that place.

I don't know how it feels.

To be honest, I'm not even sure I would have the grace for it.

But I know this for sure.  Making light of the struggles of infertility would be akin to mocking someone with cancer. 

It's insensitive and callous. 

It tears open wounds that people are trying desperately to heal.



I read an article recently about a famous family (for being famous I suppose) with one sister newly pregnant and now announcing her own struggles with infertility (which seems oddly publicized and just recently mentioned at all) while a second sister has had to openly walk the path of infertility in front of the world.  While I know very little about the family and only what the world say about these journeys, I can't help but feel a pain in my heart for the second sister. 

Because I now understand one truth completely.... it's not a light matter. It is a heartbreaking and sometimes completely devastating road to walk, filled with uncertainty, letdown, and ultimately the bravery to get back up and keep walking...

**********

So to my friends out there who have suffered and walked this path alone, I am so sorry. I should have cried with you. I should have sat with you in the silent prayers and the staring out the windows. I should have ached with you in the grief and the loss. Please forgive me because I didn't know then what I know today...

And, for my friends out there who-- like me-- have not walked down the painful road that so many others have, please recognize the courage and sacrifice that road has required of them. Acknowledge and admire those women who tell their stories later with only a trace of sadness left in their voices.  Sit and cry with friends who have had old wounds ripped open and ask God, through your own tears, for His healing...

Remind yourself when you think it's not a big deal that you've not been asked to walk that road.

Respect that it is a deep wound. And treat it as such.

And never assume you know how it feels.....

Letters to My Child & The Open Letter Campaign

Today I am linking up with The Open Letter Campaign.

Check it out to read more open letters!

Dearest Child of Mine,

When I think about our journey to bringing you home, it stands in such strange contrast to your brother's that I am often left speechless.

With Marvel, so much of our journey was about waiting. About patience. About trusting God to bring His promises to light.

And then, with you...it's been such a whirlwind that I too-easily get caught off-guard by every next step.

I mean, don't get me wrong...God still has many lessons to teach me. Still about trusting Him and Still about being faithful in the Pursuit...but also about Faith. And about Miracles. And about Surprises.

So many times in our lives we become such experts at execution that we can forget who is *really* taking care of it all.

We execute {perfectly} the morning routines...

We execute {perfectly} our tasks throughout the day...

We execute {perfectly} the evening and bedtime routines. ..

And we find comfort in the *knowing* of what to expect.

But my God? Is a God of beautiful surprises.

And that is exactly what you were.

From the moment we laid eyes on you.

From that first inkling that God was about to ask us to do what we never imagined we'd do.

From the first time I fell asleep dreaming of the way you perfectly fit in my arms.

You were God's beautiful surprise.

So, while I may still try to pretend I have it all figured out and while I might still attempt to execute perfectly...

I will always remember that God began this whole new thing....with a beautiful surprise.

You, my sweet one... are God's wonderful* exciting* joyful* exhuberant* Beautiful* Surprise.

Longing to bring you home,

Mommy.

Wordless Wednesday (sort-of)

**************************************************

My view Saturday morning. Love these moments.

The Bowtie Brigade



Trying to get a good picture of them saying goodbye
was akin to wrestling an octopus. #BFF





After such a long season eating only hard-boiled eggs and avocados...
this lunch was truly picture-worthy!